Buried at PhotoCasket.com
I love you DAD
I didn't forget your birthday this year!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Motivation - Where do I find some?
It's been a while since I was officially working now... and I'm having a hard time. There's so much to do around this house, but as usual I feel totally overwhelmed when I look around. Each day I think to myself in the morning "I'm going to clean and get the whole downstairs cleaned and done!" Then I come downstairs... see that Alex left her binder and papers all over on the couch, papers all over the dining room table, then there is some napkin and rag on the kitchen sink that looks as though it has been used to clean up blue ink, same thing in the bathroom sink. Abbi's homework was sitting on the kitchen table. This is the day after she brought home an absolutely disgusting mid-term report card. I just hate that my kids can't get it through thier heads, the things that I preach to them every day for the last 12 years. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES!
I keep remembering what Amy said to me when we were re-doing the kitchen "you just gotta get on those kids"... I wish that I could say that yes I need to get on them. But the truth is that I have, I do, every day, every minute, every hour. I mean shit, what does it take? I'm so freakin' frustrated over all of this. I just can't stand it. I spent 2 hours cleaning the kitchen yesterday (yes, it was nasty!) then when the kids got home I asked Abbi to put away the dishes... can you guess how long it took her? 2 hours, OVER 2 hours. To put away a dishwasher full of dishes. Then this morning I go back into the kitchen and see that she hadn't even put away the dishes that were on a towel on the counter, obviously clean dishes too. Not only does she do crappy jobs on every thing I have her do (yes, I've done every chore with her a few times a year so that she knows exactly how to do it right)but she also manages to come up hurt or sick during every chore. She doesn't see it, she just cries and whines when I tell her that I'm sorry if you hurt, but you still have to do your chores... then I get to feel like shit and wonder if it was one of the times that she was telling the thruth. But I just can't let her get away with it either. I'm so sick and tired of the crap that comes with kids... I love the little moments, love the stuff... but not the same crap that keeps going on every day. I'm so so so over it. I wish I was the happy mom that didn't mind the daily shit. I just am not.
Ok, so you can tell how my day will go.
Oh, and we are suddenly a one car family! I'm not sure how I feel about this at all... but oh well.
Everyone have a better day than me, k?
I keep remembering what Amy said to me when we were re-doing the kitchen "you just gotta get on those kids"... I wish that I could say that yes I need to get on them. But the truth is that I have, I do, every day, every minute, every hour. I mean shit, what does it take? I'm so freakin' frustrated over all of this. I just can't stand it. I spent 2 hours cleaning the kitchen yesterday (yes, it was nasty!) then when the kids got home I asked Abbi to put away the dishes... can you guess how long it took her? 2 hours, OVER 2 hours. To put away a dishwasher full of dishes. Then this morning I go back into the kitchen and see that she hadn't even put away the dishes that were on a towel on the counter, obviously clean dishes too. Not only does she do crappy jobs on every thing I have her do (yes, I've done every chore with her a few times a year so that she knows exactly how to do it right)but she also manages to come up hurt or sick during every chore. She doesn't see it, she just cries and whines when I tell her that I'm sorry if you hurt, but you still have to do your chores... then I get to feel like shit and wonder if it was one of the times that she was telling the thruth. But I just can't let her get away with it either. I'm so sick and tired of the crap that comes with kids... I love the little moments, love the stuff... but not the same crap that keeps going on every day. I'm so so so over it. I wish I was the happy mom that didn't mind the daily shit. I just am not.
Ok, so you can tell how my day will go.
Oh, and we are suddenly a one car family! I'm not sure how I feel about this at all... but oh well.
Everyone have a better day than me, k?
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
1 Year Today
Since my DAD was found....
I love you Daddy and I will never forget you.
"Gonna Get There Someday"
Well its been a year and there so much to tell
been doing alright in spite of myself
just wish I could stop feeling bad when I pray
But I know I'm gonna get there someday
Got that job I was dreaming about
sometimes its tough traveling around
but who I wanna be still seems so far away
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
glad I told you all I meant to
while I had the chance
cause every moment I had with you
made me who I am
by the way, I met someone new
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you
still I ain't ready to settle down in one place
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
well I guess I'll be movin on
I'll just leave these daisies by your stone
and momma, I still miss you every day
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
when that'll be, guess only God can say
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
I love you Daddy and I will never forget you.
"Gonna Get There Someday"
Well its been a year and there so much to tell
been doing alright in spite of myself
just wish I could stop feeling bad when I pray
But I know I'm gonna get there someday
Got that job I was dreaming about
sometimes its tough traveling around
but who I wanna be still seems so far away
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
glad I told you all I meant to
while I had the chance
cause every moment I had with you
made me who I am
by the way, I met someone new
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you
still I ain't ready to settle down in one place
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
well I guess I'll be movin on
I'll just leave these daisies by your stone
and momma, I still miss you every day
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
when that'll be, guess only God can say
but I know I'm gonna get there someday
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Crazy week!
Well I've been busy with our house... rearranging, baking, cooking and all sorts of stuff. We did our family Thanksgiving last night. It was supposed to be Sunday. Saturday night we spent rearranging the living room to make room for the tree. I hurt myself in the proccess though. I was fixing the new curtains I had put up and then tried to step down from the back of the couch to the coffe table and then to the floor. Well, I had just polished the coffee table and so my foot went flying and the rest of me came down hard and slammed my other leg (shin) into the edge of the table. It hurt, it hurt BAD. I went and got the ice pack right away, then sat down and pulled up my pant leg to see... I freaked! It looked horrendous! It was like a dinosaur egg sticking up off of my shin. Man it was nasty.
So anyway, I couldn't get the dinner done since I could barely walk. So I sat down with ice for most of the day. Then Monday we were going to have our dinner then, but Adrian ended up working late. So we resorted to Tuesday, which Adrian ended up working late again... so that sucked. We didn't end up eating until 8:30 since we were waiting for him. But, at least I have my leftovers. Though I think I OD'd on the triptophan (sp?). I got the kids off to school and Adrian off to work this morning and then fell asleep on the couch until Oriana woke me up at 11!!! Wow!
So today I have to get the family packed up and the house picked up. We are headed out of town for the weekend. The town we are going to should have snow and we are staying in a really nice place with enough room for all of us. Of course I forgot to figure something out for my dog though! I'm trying to find her a kennel to stay in - so last minute I hate this!
Well I really need to get off my butt and get a shower and I'm going to go out looking for some snowsuits for the girls. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
So anyway, I couldn't get the dinner done since I could barely walk. So I sat down with ice for most of the day. Then Monday we were going to have our dinner then, but Adrian ended up working late. So we resorted to Tuesday, which Adrian ended up working late again... so that sucked. We didn't end up eating until 8:30 since we were waiting for him. But, at least I have my leftovers. Though I think I OD'd on the triptophan (sp?). I got the kids off to school and Adrian off to work this morning and then fell asleep on the couch until Oriana woke me up at 11!!! Wow!
So today I have to get the family packed up and the house picked up. We are headed out of town for the weekend. The town we are going to should have snow and we are staying in a really nice place with enough room for all of us. Of course I forgot to figure something out for my dog though! I'm trying to find her a kennel to stay in - so last minute I hate this!
Well I really need to get off my butt and get a shower and I'm going to go out looking for some snowsuits for the girls. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Bitch
When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a
bitch.
When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a
bitch.
When I speak my mind,
think my own thoughts
or do things my own way,
they call me a
bitch.
Being a bitch
means I won't
compromise what's
in my heart.
It means I live my life
MY way.
It means I won't allow
anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am
defined as a
bitch.
The same thing happens
when I take time for
myself instead of being
everyone's maid, or
when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage
and strength to allow myself
to be who I truly am
and won't become
anyone else's idea
of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined.
I want what I want
and there is nothing
wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of
beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch ,
so be it.
I embrace the title and
am proud to bear it.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself
B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman
B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a
bitch.
When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a
bitch.
When I speak my mind,
think my own thoughts
or do things my own way,
they call me a
bitch.
Being a bitch
means I won't
compromise what's
in my heart.
It means I live my life
MY way.
It means I won't allow
anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am
defined as a
bitch.
The same thing happens
when I take time for
myself instead of being
everyone's maid, or
when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage
and strength to allow myself
to be who I truly am
and won't become
anyone else's idea
of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined.
I want what I want
and there is nothing
wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of
beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch ,
so be it.
I embrace the title and
am proud to bear it.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself
B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman
B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything
Thursday, November 30, 2006
I met Dierks
And I'm still high from it all.
This could be a long blog folks... take your chances reading this one! lol
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Dierks Bentley has had some hold on me since I saw him in Reno a few days before finding out that my father had passed. It was truley the last care-free and happy time I had. Then after a while I found some sort of release in his music. The lyrics he writes and the voice on that man astound me. Shortly after my fathers death I found the song titled "Gonna Get There Someday". If you find and read the lyrics you will understand why that hit me, well if you know me at all anyway. :)
I have a bunch of little things that connect him and my dad in my head, it may seem really silly to some.. but I'm not worried about that at all. I know how I feel. And I know how Dierks' music makes me feel. I believe it has given something to me that no one can understand - maybe someone, but it's so hard for me to describe that I'm just not sure you could.
I went to his concert last night and amazingly I had won a Meet & Greet pass with him. I met a few of the other fanclub members and Meet & Greet winners as we all stood in front of the center of the stage (I was basically second row, which meant I was right there in front! YAH BABY!). We touched hands, held fingers and had everyone singing just a inches away from us at many points during the concert. I reached out and touched a few members of the Randy Rogers Band, Miranda Lambert and the wonderful Dierks Bentley! We even had the whole Dierks band move onto the center stage right in front of us and sing a song for us. That was incredible, we had to bend our necks backwards to see them!
I (and 15 other of his fan club members) waited after the show to go back and meet him. We all stood in a single file line and about the time we were getting situated in line we realized that he was right there at the front of the line. It was real. He met each one of us, introduced himself (like he needed to) gave us a good hug, signed whatever we had there for him to sign (and then some) and then we all just stood around and talked. Some of us asked him actual questions and made conversations while others were caught up in the novelty of it all and had him talking to people on cell phones and signing more things... It was a wonderful experience.
In the end of it as everyone was walking out and I had already gotten my good-bye hug, I told him I had another question. I started to ask him about a certain song, the "Gonna Get There Someday" song, but words escaped me and I couldn't form the sentence "Where did your inspiration come from for 'Gonna Get There Someday'?". I said something like "dammit now I can't even remember the name of the song" - he replied to that by asking "Gonna Get There Someday?" me-"YES, THAT'S it! How did you know?" him-"A lot of people ask me about that song". We talked for a few minutes and I told him how much his music has helped me to heal, and how much that song meant to me. He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and said something like "I'm really glad you told me that, that's so nice to hear. I'm so glad you told me and that the music has helped you, I'm so sorry for your loss... it's terrible." This is almost word for word and the thing that struck me hard was his sincerity, he was so genuine. He hugged me over and over as I told him the story and I probably woulnd't have told him so much if he hadn't seemed like he wanted to hear it. I said goodbye and thanked him and told him how much I appreciate him and the time he took for me... I was the last one to leave and we had stood there talking alone for a couple of minutes. I was all find and good until walking out and looking Adrian in the eyes. He knew what it meant for me to get that chance to talk to Dierks. I couldn't help but let a few tears fall. It was just amazing that he was so sincere and so genuine... I really hadn't inteneded to talk about much except getting him the letter that Patty had sent for him and letting him know that his fanclub sucks ass. In the end I didn't even mention the fanclub. Dangit! Oh well- that night was so awesome that I really don't care! :)
I really wish that I had had a few more minutes. There are things that I forgot to mention to Dierks but maybe another time....
For now I'm just happy to have gotten to see the concert, and that I got to meet Dierks, I'm so incredibly gracious for that chance.
This could be a long blog folks... take your chances reading this one! lol
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Dierks Bentley has had some hold on me since I saw him in Reno a few days before finding out that my father had passed. It was truley the last care-free and happy time I had. Then after a while I found some sort of release in his music. The lyrics he writes and the voice on that man astound me. Shortly after my fathers death I found the song titled "Gonna Get There Someday". If you find and read the lyrics you will understand why that hit me, well if you know me at all anyway. :)
I have a bunch of little things that connect him and my dad in my head, it may seem really silly to some.. but I'm not worried about that at all. I know how I feel. And I know how Dierks' music makes me feel. I believe it has given something to me that no one can understand - maybe someone, but it's so hard for me to describe that I'm just not sure you could.
I went to his concert last night and amazingly I had won a Meet & Greet pass with him. I met a few of the other fanclub members and Meet & Greet winners as we all stood in front of the center of the stage (I was basically second row, which meant I was right there in front! YAH BABY!). We touched hands, held fingers and had everyone singing just a inches away from us at many points during the concert. I reached out and touched a few members of the Randy Rogers Band, Miranda Lambert and the wonderful Dierks Bentley! We even had the whole Dierks band move onto the center stage right in front of us and sing a song for us. That was incredible, we had to bend our necks backwards to see them!
I (and 15 other of his fan club members) waited after the show to go back and meet him. We all stood in a single file line and about the time we were getting situated in line we realized that he was right there at the front of the line. It was real. He met each one of us, introduced himself (like he needed to) gave us a good hug, signed whatever we had there for him to sign (and then some) and then we all just stood around and talked. Some of us asked him actual questions and made conversations while others were caught up in the novelty of it all and had him talking to people on cell phones and signing more things... It was a wonderful experience.
In the end of it as everyone was walking out and I had already gotten my good-bye hug, I told him I had another question. I started to ask him about a certain song, the "Gonna Get There Someday" song, but words escaped me and I couldn't form the sentence "Where did your inspiration come from for 'Gonna Get There Someday'?". I said something like "dammit now I can't even remember the name of the song" - he replied to that by asking "Gonna Get There Someday?" me-"YES, THAT'S it! How did you know?" him-"A lot of people ask me about that song". We talked for a few minutes and I told him how much his music has helped me to heal, and how much that song meant to me. He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and said something like "I'm really glad you told me that, that's so nice to hear. I'm so glad you told me and that the music has helped you, I'm so sorry for your loss... it's terrible." This is almost word for word and the thing that struck me hard was his sincerity, he was so genuine. He hugged me over and over as I told him the story and I probably woulnd't have told him so much if he hadn't seemed like he wanted to hear it. I said goodbye and thanked him and told him how much I appreciate him and the time he took for me... I was the last one to leave and we had stood there talking alone for a couple of minutes. I was all find and good until walking out and looking Adrian in the eyes. He knew what it meant for me to get that chance to talk to Dierks. I couldn't help but let a few tears fall. It was just amazing that he was so sincere and so genuine... I really hadn't inteneded to talk about much except getting him the letter that Patty had sent for him and letting him know that his fanclub sucks ass. In the end I didn't even mention the fanclub. Dangit! Oh well- that night was so awesome that I really don't care! :)
I really wish that I had had a few more minutes. There are things that I forgot to mention to Dierks but maybe another time....
For now I'm just happy to have gotten to see the concert, and that I got to meet Dierks, I'm so incredibly gracious for that chance.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
Today is wierd
I'm tired today. I wanted to get the house picked up, and it probably would have only taken half of the day, but I'm just drained. This weekend was good and bad, yesterday I spent most of the day crying and upset. I suppose this could be reason enough for feeling drained.
We went out Saturday night with a friend and a few of their friends. It really was so much fun. There was of course the end of the night tiff that results in having 5 drunk people in close proximity all night. One person remembers something the other doesn't remember at all and it's downhill from there. No biggy though, it was still one of the best nights I've had lately.
My cat is really not happy that I'm tired. She normally has her litter box cleaned on Monday's and today it was extra yucky! She let me know by running and jumping onto the pile of clean laundry on the couch and peeing, about 12 inches from my reach. She even saw me watching her. So I went promptly and changed it.
The dog did something similar this morning and I can't come up with a good reason for why she would do this. She peed on a pillow on the floor in the play room this morning and she peed a LOT. I don't know what her problem was.
So Turkey day is this week and I am so not ready for it to be this close to Christmas! I haven't done any Christmas shopping at all. UGH
I'm trying to figure out what I can make for the kids that they would find acceptable for Christmas presents since I'm totally broke! lol
Well tomorrow I am meeting with someone about parking the coffee trailer on their property! YIPPEEE! I am excited, I really really hope this works out. It will solve a lot of our immediate problems. :)
I probably won't be able to post until next week so everyone .... Have a happy THANKSGIVING!!!!
We went out Saturday night with a friend and a few of their friends. It really was so much fun. There was of course the end of the night tiff that results in having 5 drunk people in close proximity all night. One person remembers something the other doesn't remember at all and it's downhill from there. No biggy though, it was still one of the best nights I've had lately.
My cat is really not happy that I'm tired. She normally has her litter box cleaned on Monday's and today it was extra yucky! She let me know by running and jumping onto the pile of clean laundry on the couch and peeing, about 12 inches from my reach. She even saw me watching her. So I went promptly and changed it.
The dog did something similar this morning and I can't come up with a good reason for why she would do this. She peed on a pillow on the floor in the play room this morning and she peed a LOT. I don't know what her problem was.
So Turkey day is this week and I am so not ready for it to be this close to Christmas! I haven't done any Christmas shopping at all. UGH
I'm trying to figure out what I can make for the kids that they would find acceptable for Christmas presents since I'm totally broke! lol
Well tomorrow I am meeting with someone about parking the coffee trailer on their property! YIPPEEE! I am excited, I really really hope this works out. It will solve a lot of our immediate problems. :)
I probably won't be able to post until next week so everyone .... Have a happy THANKSGIVING!!!!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Cat & Mouse
There is a real live game of cat & mouse going on in my house. Nope, not a dr.seuss story book either. We have had a mouse living in our house/kitchen for a while and now there is the chase and catch game that cats play going on in my living room, for the past hour. I wish they didn't torture the poor things, just get it over with already! It makes me feel badly and sad for the mouse. Then I think about all of the food that I could potentially have to throw out. I think about my dear friend that had mice in her house and couldn't get rid of them in any humane way. She did everything you can do humanely. Still had mice. It was such a headache... and so I'm just hoping that this is the only one, though my brain is trying to tell me I'm dumb for even thinking that. lol
Anyhow - it's nice not working. For now. I know myself and I get bored really fast when I don't work. I need a good inbetween, working part time and staying home part time. I could have the best of both worlds and that would be amazing. Right now I'm looking at a location for the trailer and trying really hard to not be too pushy. I need this to work out. I need something to work out! I'm hoping that it does, and I'll let you all know if and when that happens.
Otherwise I'll be applying for a part time job. Hopefully I won't have to, but maybe it would be a good thing too. I'm positive that it would be nice to not have everything fall on MY head for once. Handing over the ultimate responsibility at the end of the day would be so refreshing.
Well I think that's about it for today. I'm looking forward to spending Turkey day with my in-laws and my new sis! :)
Maybe I'll add some pics one day. lol
I've been missing shooting the camera like I did when I was in Florida and not working, I was always shooting and looking for new angles/subjects/lighting and all of that good stuff. I miss it, it was a creative outlet for me and I need to get started with it again! :)
Well I'm off to clean/organize and possibly work out.
Anyhow - it's nice not working. For now. I know myself and I get bored really fast when I don't work. I need a good inbetween, working part time and staying home part time. I could have the best of both worlds and that would be amazing. Right now I'm looking at a location for the trailer and trying really hard to not be too pushy. I need this to work out. I need something to work out! I'm hoping that it does, and I'll let you all know if and when that happens.
Otherwise I'll be applying for a part time job. Hopefully I won't have to, but maybe it would be a good thing too. I'm positive that it would be nice to not have everything fall on MY head for once. Handing over the ultimate responsibility at the end of the day would be so refreshing.
Well I think that's about it for today. I'm looking forward to spending Turkey day with my in-laws and my new sis! :)
Maybe I'll add some pics one day. lol
I've been missing shooting the camera like I did when I was in Florida and not working, I was always shooting and looking for new angles/subjects/lighting and all of that good stuff. I miss it, it was a creative outlet for me and I need to get started with it again! :)
Well I'm off to clean/organize and possibly work out.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Hooray for Monday!
I know, most people don't say hooray for Monday, right?
WELL I DO!
Why?
Because I had 4 EXTRA girls in my house all weekend. That meant 8 all together. It was insane. We did have fun, and we did actually get things accomplished. I moved my 2 oldest girls into a bedroom together and then moved the 2 youngest into a different room and into bunkbeds which means they have a bigger play space. That gave me an extra room, and with all of the stuff from the shop that has thrown up in my house and filled it to the brim, I needed it. So I moved in to my new office! Adrian and I have a living room/office. We now have a cozy spot away from everyone where we can sit and read together, listen to music, watch movies or use the computer and not be interrupted as much as in the regular living room. :)
We are watiting to hear (today!) from the new job that Adrian had applied and interviewed for weeks ago. We'll see how that goes and I'll post as soon as I can about that. We are really very excited to hear about this though!
Thanksgiving is fast approaching, which I'm completely fine with, but then that means that Christmas is also fast approaching and I'm NOT ok with that! I can't believe that it is so close! YUCK! I have not done any shopping, I mean NONE! lol
Well it's time to get back to working on everything I need to in order to actually get "working" again. hehe - Right now I'm going to enjoy the quiet a Monday brings, all but 1 child are back in school today and I'm going to ENJOY the quiet time!
Happy Happy Monday!!!
WELL I DO!
Why?
Because I had 4 EXTRA girls in my house all weekend. That meant 8 all together. It was insane. We did have fun, and we did actually get things accomplished. I moved my 2 oldest girls into a bedroom together and then moved the 2 youngest into a different room and into bunkbeds which means they have a bigger play space. That gave me an extra room, and with all of the stuff from the shop that has thrown up in my house and filled it to the brim, I needed it. So I moved in to my new office! Adrian and I have a living room/office. We now have a cozy spot away from everyone where we can sit and read together, listen to music, watch movies or use the computer and not be interrupted as much as in the regular living room. :)
We are watiting to hear (today!) from the new job that Adrian had applied and interviewed for weeks ago. We'll see how that goes and I'll post as soon as I can about that. We are really very excited to hear about this though!
Thanksgiving is fast approaching, which I'm completely fine with, but then that means that Christmas is also fast approaching and I'm NOT ok with that! I can't believe that it is so close! YUCK! I have not done any shopping, I mean NONE! lol
Well it's time to get back to working on everything I need to in order to actually get "working" again. hehe - Right now I'm going to enjoy the quiet a Monday brings, all but 1 child are back in school today and I'm going to ENJOY the quiet time!
Happy Happy Monday!!!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Closed
I closed the shop. for good. gone forever. done.
Yep, I did, and really - I am glad.
I feel like shit about it because of my customers. The few great customers that we had are amazing and I just hate walking away from them. The way that things happened I had no choice but to give no notice to my customers and I'm just so frustrated by this. Just walking away, it sounds so easy but truley it is SO hard. It honestly makes me feel like a loser! Other than what my customers thought of me I really have not felt like a loser in this.... more like a winner in a losing position. It is a losing deal with the darn location and lack of many business-boosting things that it really needs! I'm rambling and may not make sense - but you know, it's been a wee bit of a stressful week.
I'm in the process of trying to find places for all of things in my house now. It's turned upside down and loaded with stuff. Even the garage is a cluttered mess! We have no room for anything and my kitchen is just disgusting. There's not that much that is truley dirty in there but it is just cluttered with so much stuff. It's kind of fun to have all of this stuff but geeeez it's going to take me forever to get the house all together!
Well I have to find time to get a LOT of crap done today so I need to get off of here.
Happy Saturday!
Yep, I did, and really - I am glad.
I feel like shit about it because of my customers. The few great customers that we had are amazing and I just hate walking away from them. The way that things happened I had no choice but to give no notice to my customers and I'm just so frustrated by this. Just walking away, it sounds so easy but truley it is SO hard. It honestly makes me feel like a loser! Other than what my customers thought of me I really have not felt like a loser in this.... more like a winner in a losing position. It is a losing deal with the darn location and lack of many business-boosting things that it really needs! I'm rambling and may not make sense - but you know, it's been a wee bit of a stressful week.
I'm in the process of trying to find places for all of things in my house now. It's turned upside down and loaded with stuff. Even the garage is a cluttered mess! We have no room for anything and my kitchen is just disgusting. There's not that much that is truley dirty in there but it is just cluttered with so much stuff. It's kind of fun to have all of this stuff but geeeez it's going to take me forever to get the house all together!
Well I have to find time to get a LOT of crap done today so I need to get off of here.
Happy Saturday!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Since everyone else is doing it....
I think this is a little funny, I did have a few people (who I thought were certifiably crazy) say that I looked like a few of these, I've gotten the "Jennifer Love Hewitt" a few times. I think it's odd, and I think I look nothing like her. But whatever.
You see I've never understood why we compare ourselves to others. Not even parents really, you may look similar to your mother or father, but you are YOU. Completely individual. So why try to compare?
I remember when my first child was young and her fathers mother kept trying to find similarities in everyone related to Alex and Alex. "Who's ears do you think she has?" I remember her actually asking me this, I thought it was strange and answered her "I think she has Alex's ears". Is it really that wierd of me to think that my child might have her OWN features?
Sometimes I see true cases in photographs where there is an absolutely undeniable similarity, or strange clone-ness about the two being compared. Like Amy and McKenna, there is no doubt that child will forever look exactly like her mother. The childhood photo's can only be told apart by the difference in style of clothes, photography and lighting.
Then there is this curse. I'm 30, yeah, I'm still having a hard time dealing with that. So, I'm 30, aging, and seeing this likeness to my mothers features which I can't stand. I'm against plastic surgery for many many reasons. But as each day passes and I see more and more of the woman who birthed me but cannot love me in the mirror, I concider it a little more. I can't figure out what exactly I'd want changed. I don't have any real problem with my face, except that it's aging and looking like someone I don't want to look like.
Anyhow, here's my silly celebrity comparison, and maybe I'll come up with one for Adrian too, just because I'd like to see.. hehe. Ok it is kinda fun.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Tuesday Tuesday
What's so great about Tuesday? Well my Mama's group meets on Tuesdays, that's special. They are great women! We are pretty much all very outspoken and well just blunt, meaning honest. I love that. Sometimes they drive me batty, but I know that these women have huge hearts, and will be there for me if I need them, as I would for them. That is so comforting.
What else is up today, oh the job thing for Adrian. Well the owner and a couple of the other dudes will be getting together tomorrow morning for a meeting on basically what to offer him. They know they want him, they just have to figure out what to offer. It sounds awesome though. Well it sounds like hell a little bit too. They would have him incredibly busy most every week and he would really not be home except on the weekends. He would be expected to travel for 1 week out of every month and he would be pretty much traveling the rest of the time too. There's work to be done all over the state and he would be the only mechanic in Idaho to cover it all. So that would mean that our time together would be limited. But it also means that I could probably stay at home more, and actually feel like a mom/homemaker. Which would be really nice.
I decided to close the shop early this week and only be open from 8-12 since the college is on fall break.
Oops, it's getting that time, I gotta go get milk and head to the shop!
TTFN!
What else is up today, oh the job thing for Adrian. Well the owner and a couple of the other dudes will be getting together tomorrow morning for a meeting on basically what to offer him. They know they want him, they just have to figure out what to offer. It sounds awesome though. Well it sounds like hell a little bit too. They would have him incredibly busy most every week and he would really not be home except on the weekends. He would be expected to travel for 1 week out of every month and he would be pretty much traveling the rest of the time too. There's work to be done all over the state and he would be the only mechanic in Idaho to cover it all. So that would mean that our time together would be limited. But it also means that I could probably stay at home more, and actually feel like a mom/homemaker. Which would be really nice.
I decided to close the shop early this week and only be open from 8-12 since the college is on fall break.
Oops, it's getting that time, I gotta go get milk and head to the shop!
TTFN!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Lazy Weekend
We had a very lazy weekend. We almost decided to go up to McCall for the weekend but decided that instead, we would move the loveseat to sit right in front of the TV and hold it down all weekend. I got probably 2 loads of laundry done and the kitchen is thrashed from our wonderful dinner last night, but it was worth it and it really isn't that bad. ;)
Weekends are usually taken up by searching for something. A place to fish, a place to camp, a new place for our drifter souls to call home. We are allways gone searching or playing on the weekends. It was nice to sit and watch football and the race all day yesterday. So, so nice.
Today Adrian is out of town, flew out of town for an interview. It sounds like he will have a wonderful new job and it's possible that I'll be able to be at home more. We aren't sure what is going to happen yet but I'm sure by the next weekend we will. We are so far behind on every bill that we have it's just getting overwhelming and we will probably be moving soon.
I have mixed feelings about moving. My girls are settled, we have 1 great family next door, the girls have numerous friends on the same block, I love that we are at the end of a cul-de-sac, I love my kitchen, I love my bathtub, I love my closet but my house is too big and too too too hard to keep clean. We are having a hard time with this.
Next weekend will e full I'm sure, we'll either be looking for a new home, or maybe we'll be camping. We may go up to McCall or something like that... It's a beautiful drive and so much fun.
Well the college is on Fall break this week and so that means we will be dead-slow. Big surprise. We have been dead-slow for the past 2 weeks. It's getting very frustrating. But this week I will take advantage of the fact that we will be dead anyway and I'm closing at noon every day.
Which means I must go get ready to close - I feel like I just opened! lol
Have a great week everyone! :)
Weekends are usually taken up by searching for something. A place to fish, a place to camp, a new place for our drifter souls to call home. We are allways gone searching or playing on the weekends. It was nice to sit and watch football and the race all day yesterday. So, so nice.
Today Adrian is out of town, flew out of town for an interview. It sounds like he will have a wonderful new job and it's possible that I'll be able to be at home more. We aren't sure what is going to happen yet but I'm sure by the next weekend we will. We are so far behind on every bill that we have it's just getting overwhelming and we will probably be moving soon.
I have mixed feelings about moving. My girls are settled, we have 1 great family next door, the girls have numerous friends on the same block, I love that we are at the end of a cul-de-sac, I love my kitchen, I love my bathtub, I love my closet but my house is too big and too too too hard to keep clean. We are having a hard time with this.
Next weekend will e full I'm sure, we'll either be looking for a new home, or maybe we'll be camping. We may go up to McCall or something like that... It's a beautiful drive and so much fun.
Well the college is on Fall break this week and so that means we will be dead-slow. Big surprise. We have been dead-slow for the past 2 weeks. It's getting very frustrating. But this week I will take advantage of the fact that we will be dead anyway and I'm closing at noon every day.
Which means I must go get ready to close - I feel like I just opened! lol
Have a great week everyone! :)
Monday, October 16, 2006
DIERKS!!!!
Yep - I'm in LOVE with the man. Not in a girly "oh I want to have his babies" sort of way, though I certainly woulndn't turn him down. It's in a "THAT man can sing!" way. "THAT man can ENTERTAIN" way. "THAT man can WRITE" way. You see, he's not just any old country singer. He's amazing, he sings about real life things, about a lot of things that I would sing about. He's a traveler, he writes and sings about traveling, about those "Long Trip Alone"'s that we all need to take once in a while. Well maybe it's just me that needs to take those. But I doubt it, those of you that don't take a long trip alone once in a while - you probably need to, but don't even realize it.
The last two years have been a huge change for me. I've learned so much about who I am, what I love - even if it doesn't make sense to every one. I can say "I LOVE that!" and not worry about the sideways look I may get in response.
I've tried to learn to live like I'm dying, cuz I am, so are you - are you gonna have fun on the way? I AM! I'm doing everything I can to make sure that I don't take regrets with me but I take memories instead.
Dierks sings "Every Mile a Memory" and I can't help but tune right in on that.
I'm listening to the new album right now and wow... I'm gonna have to look up the lyrics and post them - cuz I can't tell you how much I relate to this! Here we go - it's called "Can't Live it Down" - he's talking about life, exactly what I was talking about - this might give you some insight into lil' ol' me - if you're interested. :D
"Can't Live It Down"
I've been called a rambler
'Cause I keep my eyes on that horizon line
And I've been called a gambler
'Cause I always wanna let my winnings ride
I've been broke more times than I can count
I've been stuck for days in a lonely town
When my luck ran south
[Chorus:]
Hey I might be makin' me a reputation
Of goin' my own way and
I can't live it down
Got the throttle wide open gonna live it up knowin'
In this life you only
Get one go around
And I can't live it down
There's times I've wasted money
'Cause I know that I can always make more cash
But wasted time is something man
When it's gone you can't get it back
So I'll go on burnin' up both ends
'Cause I don't want a whole lot of might've-beens
Now that would be a sin
[Repeat Chorus]
Gonna live for place I ain't been
Make a lot of good remember-whens
Right up to the end
[Repeat Chorus]
I can't live it down
I can't live it down
Wow - THIS IS SOOOOOO ME. I want to quote some of the lines, especially about burning cash - but I can't - it's the whole damned song that is JUST.SO.ME.
The last two years have been a huge change for me. I've learned so much about who I am, what I love - even if it doesn't make sense to every one. I can say "I LOVE that!" and not worry about the sideways look I may get in response.
I've tried to learn to live like I'm dying, cuz I am, so are you - are you gonna have fun on the way? I AM! I'm doing everything I can to make sure that I don't take regrets with me but I take memories instead.
Dierks sings "Every Mile a Memory" and I can't help but tune right in on that.
I'm listening to the new album right now and wow... I'm gonna have to look up the lyrics and post them - cuz I can't tell you how much I relate to this! Here we go - it's called "Can't Live it Down" - he's talking about life, exactly what I was talking about - this might give you some insight into lil' ol' me - if you're interested. :D
"Can't Live It Down"
I've been called a rambler
'Cause I keep my eyes on that horizon line
And I've been called a gambler
'Cause I always wanna let my winnings ride
I've been broke more times than I can count
I've been stuck for days in a lonely town
When my luck ran south
[Chorus:]
Hey I might be makin' me a reputation
Of goin' my own way and
I can't live it down
Got the throttle wide open gonna live it up knowin'
In this life you only
Get one go around
And I can't live it down
There's times I've wasted money
'Cause I know that I can always make more cash
But wasted time is something man
When it's gone you can't get it back
So I'll go on burnin' up both ends
'Cause I don't want a whole lot of might've-beens
Now that would be a sin
[Repeat Chorus]
Gonna live for place I ain't been
Make a lot of good remember-whens
Right up to the end
[Repeat Chorus]
I can't live it down
I can't live it down
Wow - THIS IS SOOOOOO ME. I want to quote some of the lines, especially about burning cash - but I can't - it's the whole damned song that is JUST.SO.ME.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Children
Why do they do this stuff to us? lol
I hate anything repetetive - repeating myself, or others repeating the same thing over and over to me.
They know this. They know the rules. They know what happens if they don't follow the rules
************AND THEY STILL DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES!*****************
I'm really frustrated with this. My girls went through 4 bottles of shampoo in 2 months, and that's with the older ones going to their dads for 2 weeks out of every month. THAT is rediculous!!
************************************************************************************
I'm not going to post anymore wah wah wah stuff now.
************************************************************************************
I hate anything repetetive - repeating myself, or others repeating the same thing over and over to me.
They know this. They know the rules. They know what happens if they don't follow the rules
************AND THEY STILL DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES!*****************
I'm really frustrated with this. My girls went through 4 bottles of shampoo in 2 months, and that's with the older ones going to their dads for 2 weeks out of every month. THAT is rediculous!!
************************************************************************************
I'm not going to post anymore wah wah wah stuff now.
************************************************************************************
Monday, October 09, 2006
Trip!
Ok, we finally got the road trip thing out of our systems! lol
We went to Roseburg this weekend. The plan was to go crabbing at the coast with IL's and out on the FIL's new boat. Well - it didn't work out that way at all!
Here's what happened -
Friday - I came to work to find that I had flooded and made a huge mess, my fault and it's a stupid mistake I will hopefully not but probably will make again! So, I spend a few hours getting things together and cleaning that mess up. We leave (thanks to my wonderful friend and daycare as-needed provider, Christy, we got to go without kids - YAY) at around noon. We get all the way to Ontario (30 min. away) and the dog, Roxy, decides that it's a great time to go into heat! So after stopping at the nearest store and buying the only thing that we could find that would work - we are back on the road. Roxy is wearing her new HULK T-shirt and boys briefs (worn backwards for the tail to come out of the hole. hehe).
We take our time a little bit and stop a few times for a little fun on the river. hehe
We end up getting into town pretty late, but when we rolled through a friends house at 12am we were lucky enough that they wanted to take Simon (the incredibly dumb dog we've had for a few months - we had full intentions of getting him a new home some time on the trip!) off of our hands and all was well. I'm SO excited that I don't have to think about what is going to be found destroyed when I get home from a very long day at work!!! YaY Simon found a home! :)
So we get into town pretty late and stop by the bar to say hello to a few friends. We had a "that's why we don't live here anymore" moment and then headed to the IL's house to sleep. It was really nice to not have to worry about the kids. The dog though - man it was a pain! The next time we go on any outing by ourselves, we aren't taking any dog! It's so nice to feel free to decide on a whim that we want to change our plans and do something that's not easy to do with kids in tow.
Saturday we had a pretty good day - though we didn't go crabbing! We went to breakfast where Adrian played a game of Keno and bet on our September birthdays - and WON! He won $72! That helped a lot!
Then we went around visiting different people we've missed and some we realized that maybe we didn't miss as much as we thought. lol (j.k.!)
When we still thought we were going to go out on the boat we were getting it ready to get hooked up on the truck and I was digging around in the back of the truck. I had climbed up into it and when I backed myself down I hit on some medal piece of the tounge of the trailer - in the middle of my thigh. OWWWW!!!! It tore my pants, which really pissed me off because they are one of the few that actually fit COMFORTABLY! So I have this huge black bruise on my thigh that looks horrible and there is a nice big square of flesh in the middle of it from where it scraped all the skin off. Yuck.
So, my favorite part of the trip - Saturday afternoon. It was beautiful outside, perfect temp for me, mid 70's. I insisted that we go to the park and lay on a blanket on the grass in the sun - no phones, no card games - NO distractions. It was awesome. We stayed for a little over an hour and man I soaked up every minute of it. I so wish we could do that more. It's something that makes us just pay attention to each other and we just enjoy each other and the love is just so strong. It doesn't happen like that when we take the dogs or the kids, there's just always something distracting us.
Sunday proved to be a very very long day. We finally got home sometime around 12am, and found that I had forgotten to pay the gas bill and it was shut off while I was gone, which meant that we had no hot water to shower with. EEK. So we did it the old fashioned way and heated water in pots on the stove to put in the bath. It was a pain, but I didn't mind too much. It was more a pain because I was so darned tired!
So we ended up sleeping through the alarm and we were both late to work. I can't wait to go to bed at 8pm tonight. It will feel incredibly good! :)
So that's my weekly update. Happy Monday everyone. :)
We went to Roseburg this weekend. The plan was to go crabbing at the coast with IL's and out on the FIL's new boat. Well - it didn't work out that way at all!
Here's what happened -
Friday - I came to work to find that I had flooded and made a huge mess, my fault and it's a stupid mistake I will hopefully not but probably will make again! So, I spend a few hours getting things together and cleaning that mess up. We leave (thanks to my wonderful friend and daycare as-needed provider, Christy, we got to go without kids - YAY) at around noon. We get all the way to Ontario (30 min. away) and the dog, Roxy, decides that it's a great time to go into heat! So after stopping at the nearest store and buying the only thing that we could find that would work - we are back on the road. Roxy is wearing her new HULK T-shirt and boys briefs (worn backwards for the tail to come out of the hole. hehe).
We take our time a little bit and stop a few times for a little fun on the river. hehe
We end up getting into town pretty late, but when we rolled through a friends house at 12am we were lucky enough that they wanted to take Simon (the incredibly dumb dog we've had for a few months - we had full intentions of getting him a new home some time on the trip!) off of our hands and all was well. I'm SO excited that I don't have to think about what is going to be found destroyed when I get home from a very long day at work!!! YaY Simon found a home! :)
So we get into town pretty late and stop by the bar to say hello to a few friends. We had a "that's why we don't live here anymore" moment and then headed to the IL's house to sleep. It was really nice to not have to worry about the kids. The dog though - man it was a pain! The next time we go on any outing by ourselves, we aren't taking any dog! It's so nice to feel free to decide on a whim that we want to change our plans and do something that's not easy to do with kids in tow.
Saturday we had a pretty good day - though we didn't go crabbing! We went to breakfast where Adrian played a game of Keno and bet on our September birthdays - and WON! He won $72! That helped a lot!
Then we went around visiting different people we've missed and some we realized that maybe we didn't miss as much as we thought. lol (j.k.!)
When we still thought we were going to go out on the boat we were getting it ready to get hooked up on the truck and I was digging around in the back of the truck. I had climbed up into it and when I backed myself down I hit on some medal piece of the tounge of the trailer - in the middle of my thigh. OWWWW!!!! It tore my pants, which really pissed me off because they are one of the few that actually fit COMFORTABLY! So I have this huge black bruise on my thigh that looks horrible and there is a nice big square of flesh in the middle of it from where it scraped all the skin off. Yuck.
So, my favorite part of the trip - Saturday afternoon. It was beautiful outside, perfect temp for me, mid 70's. I insisted that we go to the park and lay on a blanket on the grass in the sun - no phones, no card games - NO distractions. It was awesome. We stayed for a little over an hour and man I soaked up every minute of it. I so wish we could do that more. It's something that makes us just pay attention to each other and we just enjoy each other and the love is just so strong. It doesn't happen like that when we take the dogs or the kids, there's just always something distracting us.
Sunday proved to be a very very long day. We finally got home sometime around 12am, and found that I had forgotten to pay the gas bill and it was shut off while I was gone, which meant that we had no hot water to shower with. EEK. So we did it the old fashioned way and heated water in pots on the stove to put in the bath. It was a pain, but I didn't mind too much. It was more a pain because I was so darned tired!
So we ended up sleeping through the alarm and we were both late to work. I can't wait to go to bed at 8pm tonight. It will feel incredibly good! :)
So that's my weekly update. Happy Monday everyone. :)
Monday, October 02, 2006
Itchy Itchy
I'm so itchy for a road trip. I thought I would get my fix this weekend as Adrian has been planning with his parents to go to the coast and go crabbing. We were all going to camp out and I was hopeful to get an extra day off but unfortunately, I don't even get the normal weekend off that I usually do. Hopefully it will still be a good thing, but I was really looking forward to the trip.
This Saturday is the Albertson College of Idaho Tast of the Harvest festival thingy, in which I will be a vendor. So, I will be preparing for that this week, trying to find someone to help me with it and finding someone to watch my kiddo's during the times I'm there and setting up/tearing down. It'll be a long day I'm sure!
This week is going to be hard, I can tell already. I was sick and sleeping for most of the weekend, which means that most of the housework did not get done. We still did get a good amount done, caught up a bit on laundry and such. But with the TOH this weekend we still have a lot to do, I've got to figure some things out on the trailer, practice driving with it and parking it some more since I will have no one to help me with it this weekend! I'm sure it'll be fine, I'm not taking it very far at all, not even on the highway.
I'm feeling like I am getting a head cold - Joy.
My head feels cloudy and stuffed up, and my eyes kinda hurt. I wish I didn't just come on here and complain but I try to write about stuff I'm thinking about and look what I'm thinking about - crap! lol
Well I just finished the updates on my website, I missed doing it yesterday like I usually do.
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get through this winter with the shop, I just am not sure that it's going to make it, especially since I'm doing it mostly on my own. I'm hoping that I can hire someone but I'm not sure that I can really afford it, but for my sanity - how can I not afford it?
I need a nap. Do you think my customers would freak out if they came in and I was asleep on the sofa in front of the fire - with drool making a waterfall down the side of the pillow? lol
Alright, I'm signing off for now. :)
Hope you all are having a good day!
This Saturday is the Albertson College of Idaho Tast of the Harvest festival thingy, in which I will be a vendor. So, I will be preparing for that this week, trying to find someone to help me with it and finding someone to watch my kiddo's during the times I'm there and setting up/tearing down. It'll be a long day I'm sure!
This week is going to be hard, I can tell already. I was sick and sleeping for most of the weekend, which means that most of the housework did not get done. We still did get a good amount done, caught up a bit on laundry and such. But with the TOH this weekend we still have a lot to do, I've got to figure some things out on the trailer, practice driving with it and parking it some more since I will have no one to help me with it this weekend! I'm sure it'll be fine, I'm not taking it very far at all, not even on the highway.
I'm feeling like I am getting a head cold - Joy.
My head feels cloudy and stuffed up, and my eyes kinda hurt. I wish I didn't just come on here and complain but I try to write about stuff I'm thinking about and look what I'm thinking about - crap! lol
Well I just finished the updates on my website, I missed doing it yesterday like I usually do.
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get through this winter with the shop, I just am not sure that it's going to make it, especially since I'm doing it mostly on my own. I'm hoping that I can hire someone but I'm not sure that I can really afford it, but for my sanity - how can I not afford it?
I need a nap. Do you think my customers would freak out if they came in and I was asleep on the sofa in front of the fire - with drool making a waterfall down the side of the pillow? lol
Alright, I'm signing off for now. :)
Hope you all are having a good day!
Monday, September 25, 2006
My everything hurts.
This weekend we cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned and then... we cleaned some more.
I can't believe how trashed our house gets so freaking fast. We worked so hard that we are both sore as heck this morning... MAN we worked hard! Adrian did the yard at both home and the shop. I did endless loads of laundry, dishes, scrubbed bathrooms, swept, mopped, dusted, vacuumed, clutter-cleared... lol. EVERYTHING!
We came to the shop to pick up paperwork and I ended up cleaning the basement.
So, now... my everything hurts.
I just realized that there was a band in town from Humboldt County Cali. that I really really really wanted to see.. and I didn't remember this weekend when they were here.. ARGH!
Today has been pretty steady here at the shop... nothing too bad at all. :)
I still haven't figured out how to do soups, I don't know if I have the energy for it. I've been updating my site every week and actually been pretty good about doing that, I'm actually proud that I've kept up pretty good. I'm sure there are things that I miss and such... but I am trying! lol
I don't know what else to write about... I'm starting to get really tired.
I need to eat! Maybe I'll add more later, but for now I'm off to make an egg salad sandwich, or something of the like.
I can't believe how trashed our house gets so freaking fast. We worked so hard that we are both sore as heck this morning... MAN we worked hard! Adrian did the yard at both home and the shop. I did endless loads of laundry, dishes, scrubbed bathrooms, swept, mopped, dusted, vacuumed, clutter-cleared... lol. EVERYTHING!
We came to the shop to pick up paperwork and I ended up cleaning the basement.
So, now... my everything hurts.
I just realized that there was a band in town from Humboldt County Cali. that I really really really wanted to see.. and I didn't remember this weekend when they were here.. ARGH!
Today has been pretty steady here at the shop... nothing too bad at all. :)
I still haven't figured out how to do soups, I don't know if I have the energy for it. I've been updating my site every week and actually been pretty good about doing that, I'm actually proud that I've kept up pretty good. I'm sure there are things that I miss and such... but I am trying! lol
I don't know what else to write about... I'm starting to get really tired.
I need to eat! Maybe I'll add more later, but for now I'm off to make an egg salad sandwich, or something of the like.
Monday, September 18, 2006
October
Since Dad died I've been just gaining more and more fat. So, I've decided that in October we will make a full transition into healthier eating. I've been working on this for the past few months and I've got the family eating healthier and interested in Organics and all natural products. So I figure I can make the full transition by Oct. and we can all be eating healthier.
My own goals will be to go to the Y for at least 4 days a week, the kids will love this part. I will also go from eating 1-2 large meals a day to eating 5 small meals throughout the day. I will give myself a free day every week so that I can eat what I want, when I want for one day. I will only have up to 2 servings of red meat a week, try to stick to turkey, chicken and pork when I need meats. I will do as much veggie as possible and limit everyone's meat content. I will start insisting that the kids, Adrian and I ALL take our vitamins more regularly.
This all means that I have to figure out a REALLY good routine! With 6 of us, and Adrian and I both working 50-70 hours a week, it's going to have to be a strict routine - which I do not do well with. Yikes!
I really want to teach my children healthier living habits though, and I really need to put myself on a routine instead of this chaotic life we have been just barely getting by in.
Adrian and I have had a rough time, with hardly any help at the shop and as much as he works, we are both extremely stressed and over-tired. That just is not good, it means we bicker, or (like this weekend) we fight, like crazy! I can't take it and neither can he. Right now we don't see any other options but to make a major change and hit the problem head one.
The Problem - Chaos The Answer - Routine
At least, that's what I make of it? lol
So after a hard weekend we are trying to return to some sort of normalcy.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
My own goals will be to go to the Y for at least 4 days a week, the kids will love this part. I will also go from eating 1-2 large meals a day to eating 5 small meals throughout the day. I will give myself a free day every week so that I can eat what I want, when I want for one day. I will only have up to 2 servings of red meat a week, try to stick to turkey, chicken and pork when I need meats. I will do as much veggie as possible and limit everyone's meat content. I will start insisting that the kids, Adrian and I ALL take our vitamins more regularly.
This all means that I have to figure out a REALLY good routine! With 6 of us, and Adrian and I both working 50-70 hours a week, it's going to have to be a strict routine - which I do not do well with. Yikes!
I really want to teach my children healthier living habits though, and I really need to put myself on a routine instead of this chaotic life we have been just barely getting by in.
Adrian and I have had a rough time, with hardly any help at the shop and as much as he works, we are both extremely stressed and over-tired. That just is not good, it means we bicker, or (like this weekend) we fight, like crazy! I can't take it and neither can he. Right now we don't see any other options but to make a major change and hit the problem head one.
The Problem - Chaos The Answer - Routine
At least, that's what I make of it? lol
So after a hard weekend we are trying to return to some sort of normalcy.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Friday, September 15, 2006
30
30 Years old today. Yep, 30.
It's 9am, and I've been open since 7:30 -with not even one customer yet. It's going to be one of those "I hate this place!" days again... unless of course it picks up! Then, I can deal! Of course, right now - I'm sitting on the loveseat with my bare toes propped up on the brick and keeping warm by the fire in front of them. I love that. I love a fire, even if it's a fake one from a gas fireplace. If I could just figure out a position to sit in so that I don't set my laptop on fire... now that would be cool.
Well at least I know that someone will come in today, one of my friends offered to work for me for the afternoon even though I've not known her very long at all. How cool is that? I told her no, and told her that she needed to just come and hang out with me instead... that would make me happier. Of course, I would love to not have to close! Oh, wait, I have Sarah coming in to close tonight, I think! That's awesome! And she is working tomorrow, so if I happen to be hung over for some reason, then I'll be ok to sleep in ;).
Is it totally selfish to want to be treated like a princess on my birthday, particularly my 30th? I was imagining all of my kids being extra good this morning and making it easier for me to get out the door. I imagined Adrian getting them up and dressed so that I could sleep an extra few minutes. I imagined him coming to the shop (since he already came here before me this morning to get the fireplace working) and leaving me flowers and a card, or little notes or something. But, as usual - there was nothing like that. I came in and there were no flowers or love notes.. I had to yell at the girls to brush their teeth - again, because I obviously haven't said it 327,567 times before.
I know Adrian has gotten me gifts, and I'm sure they are wonderful. He gave me a really pretty bracelet last night. All week he's been like "it's a pre-pre birthday gift"... trying to give me things before today, and I've been insistent that I don't get anything until the actual day. See, I like a lot of presents, but I usually don't get much, if anything. Alex's birthday being the next day sort of steals my glory. So I like to save anything that I do get, until the last second so I can open a bunch at once. lol.
After tomorrow I will be on to different subjects, I swear. I told you - I'm obsessed! lol
I wonder if the one brother that speaks to me on occassion will call today. I don't think I called him on his bday, so that wouldn't surprise me if he didn't.
I'm totally bored, I'm sure there is a lot that I could be doing, but I figure if I'm here 63+ hours a week, I'm going to sit and goof off for a while. lol
Ok, well I'm running out of things to write about so I'm signing off for now! :)
It's 9am, and I've been open since 7:30 -with not even one customer yet. It's going to be one of those "I hate this place!" days again... unless of course it picks up! Then, I can deal! Of course, right now - I'm sitting on the loveseat with my bare toes propped up on the brick and keeping warm by the fire in front of them. I love that. I love a fire, even if it's a fake one from a gas fireplace. If I could just figure out a position to sit in so that I don't set my laptop on fire... now that would be cool.
Well at least I know that someone will come in today, one of my friends offered to work for me for the afternoon even though I've not known her very long at all. How cool is that? I told her no, and told her that she needed to just come and hang out with me instead... that would make me happier. Of course, I would love to not have to close! Oh, wait, I have Sarah coming in to close tonight, I think! That's awesome! And she is working tomorrow, so if I happen to be hung over for some reason, then I'll be ok to sleep in ;).
Is it totally selfish to want to be treated like a princess on my birthday, particularly my 30th? I was imagining all of my kids being extra good this morning and making it easier for me to get out the door. I imagined Adrian getting them up and dressed so that I could sleep an extra few minutes. I imagined him coming to the shop (since he already came here before me this morning to get the fireplace working) and leaving me flowers and a card, or little notes or something. But, as usual - there was nothing like that. I came in and there were no flowers or love notes.. I had to yell at the girls to brush their teeth - again, because I obviously haven't said it 327,567 times before.
I know Adrian has gotten me gifts, and I'm sure they are wonderful. He gave me a really pretty bracelet last night. All week he's been like "it's a pre-pre birthday gift"... trying to give me things before today, and I've been insistent that I don't get anything until the actual day. See, I like a lot of presents, but I usually don't get much, if anything. Alex's birthday being the next day sort of steals my glory. So I like to save anything that I do get, until the last second so I can open a bunch at once. lol.
After tomorrow I will be on to different subjects, I swear. I told you - I'm obsessed! lol
I wonder if the one brother that speaks to me on occassion will call today. I don't think I called him on his bday, so that wouldn't surprise me if he didn't.
I'm totally bored, I'm sure there is a lot that I could be doing, but I figure if I'm here 63+ hours a week, I'm going to sit and goof off for a while. lol
Ok, well I'm running out of things to write about so I'm signing off for now! :)
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Ok, this is pathetic!
I can't write today. It just seems that there is too much random stuff to write about.
So, we'll just go with the flow and see if you people can keep up :P
I think I must be bi-polar. One day I love this business and the next I hate it. It can't possibly have anything to do with the fact that one day is awesome and the next is very very very lonely. Right?
Birthdays - Friday is my 30th. You probably already know this if you know me at all, as I have managed to tell everyone, a lot. But, a very good friend of mine, her's is tomorrow, and I have forgotten it. Knowing fully well that her bday is the day before mine, all I can think about is myself. I'm really disappointed in myself. I love you Jenn! Sorry I'm such a shitty friend, forgetting about you!
Today is my brothers birthday and even though I've barely spoken to him in years, it really hits me on his birthday how much I miss and love him still, asshole that he is. I really wish my family wasn't so spread out and (searching for the right word) detached. It's like none of us care about each other at all. I don't understand how something like this happens. Why don't we care, or try to stay in touch. There are 3 brothers, and me - the boys have different dads and my dad is gone. My brothers don't give a crap about me and my mom conciders me dead. How nice. One of my brothers talks to everyone, but no one else talks to anyone but him. What the hell is that about? I mean really, what kind of family doesn't communicate at all? The kind that is not a family. The kind that makes me feel so alone in this world. There is no one to mourn the death of my Daddy with. That hurts.
Speaking of Daddy - this is a warning. I've been thinking about the coming holidays lately and I'm realizing that this holiday season is not going to be anything less than heart wrenching. The first week in November marks the last time I spoke to my dad. The end of November (particularly Thanksgiving) marks a year since the time that I knew something was wrong and booked my flight. The first week of December marks a year since I got that horrible phone call on the way to the airport from the coroner in my dads town asking if I knew him and that he was investigating his death. December 12th to be exact. December 14th was/is (is it was or is?) his birthday. Then there's Christmas, which marks 2 years this year since the last time I saw him, hugged him, pushed away his kiss on my ear, smelled his icky smell that now seems so sweet, watched him hold my kids and love them, layed my head on his lap and felt him stroke my hair as he always did. God I miss him.
Well it sure is a good thing it's so slow in here today since I just gave myself a nice little crying fit over that! lol. Yeesh!
What else can I ramble about that maybe won't make me cry as much. Hmm... Wookie, I need to go to Pendleton now. For my birthday? SEE I'm obsessed with my damn birthday!
Coffee, now there's a subject worth rambling about. I've never been a big coffee drinker - I know I know - it's wierd. I've always liked a mocha, or a latte, but I've just never been into having coffee every day or anything. All of the sudden, in the last few months, I have about 2 - 3 cups a day. And I was fine not having any until I had it made here at the shop. Now I want it made when I wake up. LoL. I need a travel mug now because I actually want it before I make it at the shop and I wouldn't want to leave it behind. Crap, that reminds me that I still need to get Adrian one, I forgot. LOL.
Well I think I wrote enough for today, wouldn't you agree? Let's see if I can end on a happy note...
~Coffee, Chocolate, and Men are so much better rich!
~Why Coffee is better than Men
You can make coffee as sweet as you desire.
A cup of coffee always looks good.
Coffee smells good.
Coffee tastes good.
Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
You can have a good conversation with coffee.
You can have coffee anywhere, anytime, and not get arrested.
You can have as many coffees as you desire.
Coffee doesn't care what you look like.
~I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it!
So, we'll just go with the flow and see if you people can keep up :P
I think I must be bi-polar. One day I love this business and the next I hate it. It can't possibly have anything to do with the fact that one day is awesome and the next is very very very lonely. Right?
Birthdays - Friday is my 30th. You probably already know this if you know me at all, as I have managed to tell everyone, a lot. But, a very good friend of mine, her's is tomorrow, and I have forgotten it. Knowing fully well that her bday is the day before mine, all I can think about is myself. I'm really disappointed in myself. I love you Jenn! Sorry I'm such a shitty friend, forgetting about you!
Today is my brothers birthday and even though I've barely spoken to him in years, it really hits me on his birthday how much I miss and love him still, asshole that he is. I really wish my family wasn't so spread out and (searching for the right word) detached. It's like none of us care about each other at all. I don't understand how something like this happens. Why don't we care, or try to stay in touch. There are 3 brothers, and me - the boys have different dads and my dad is gone. My brothers don't give a crap about me and my mom conciders me dead. How nice. One of my brothers talks to everyone, but no one else talks to anyone but him. What the hell is that about? I mean really, what kind of family doesn't communicate at all? The kind that is not a family. The kind that makes me feel so alone in this world. There is no one to mourn the death of my Daddy with. That hurts.
Speaking of Daddy - this is a warning. I've been thinking about the coming holidays lately and I'm realizing that this holiday season is not going to be anything less than heart wrenching. The first week in November marks the last time I spoke to my dad. The end of November (particularly Thanksgiving) marks a year since the time that I knew something was wrong and booked my flight. The first week of December marks a year since I got that horrible phone call on the way to the airport from the coroner in my dads town asking if I knew him and that he was investigating his death. December 12th to be exact. December 14th was/is (is it was or is?) his birthday. Then there's Christmas, which marks 2 years this year since the last time I saw him, hugged him, pushed away his kiss on my ear, smelled his icky smell that now seems so sweet, watched him hold my kids and love them, layed my head on his lap and felt him stroke my hair as he always did. God I miss him.
Well it sure is a good thing it's so slow in here today since I just gave myself a nice little crying fit over that! lol. Yeesh!
What else can I ramble about that maybe won't make me cry as much. Hmm... Wookie, I need to go to Pendleton now. For my birthday? SEE I'm obsessed with my damn birthday!
Coffee, now there's a subject worth rambling about. I've never been a big coffee drinker - I know I know - it's wierd. I've always liked a mocha, or a latte, but I've just never been into having coffee every day or anything. All of the sudden, in the last few months, I have about 2 - 3 cups a day. And I was fine not having any until I had it made here at the shop. Now I want it made when I wake up. LoL. I need a travel mug now because I actually want it before I make it at the shop and I wouldn't want to leave it behind. Crap, that reminds me that I still need to get Adrian one, I forgot. LOL.
Well I think I wrote enough for today, wouldn't you agree? Let's see if I can end on a happy note...
~Coffee, Chocolate, and Men are so much better rich!
~Why Coffee is better than Men
You can make coffee as sweet as you desire.
A cup of coffee always looks good.
Coffee smells good.
Coffee tastes good.
Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
You can have a good conversation with coffee.
You can have coffee anywhere, anytime, and not get arrested.
You can have as many coffees as you desire.
Coffee doesn't care what you look like.
~I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Long Weekend!
Friday night I went to play Bunco with some mommy friends, and friends and family of theirs. It was a blast, a few people were tipsy and it was just hilarious. I didn't drink anything but water (I made up for that all day Saturday!). I even saw a certain someone doing the sprinkler move at one of the tables! I won! Ok, I won by default because I had the most losses, so basically I won the award for being the biggest loser! lol. I met lots of really cool women and I'm really excited for the next game in October!
Well we ended up going camping in Leavenworth, Washington this weekend. Jenn and Adam (good friends from Washington) had reserved a lodge at the KOA there and they let us bust in on them! lol
We didn't finalize plans until Friday night and we left early Saturday morning. We met Jenn and Adam and family (their 3 boys) up there sometime around 7 or 8. We had a great night! We put all the kids (the 7 of them!) down with a couple of movies and sat out on the porch of the lodge talking and having a few drinks. Adam was hilarious, he didn't drink much at all but man was he acting silly. lol! It was so good to see Jenn, I'm so glad we went!
Sunday Adam made breakfast and we all went into town, walked around the shops and then went tubing on the river! YAY! It was sooo much fun! It was a little frustrating because we couldn't manage to go the same speed as Jenn and we lost her at one point, little bit scarey! But the kids all had such a blast, it was so much fun. I'm so glad we went!
Sunday was Adrians birthday! Happy Birthday BABY!!!
After the long day in town and on the river he made dinner, he made some un-fricking-believable steaks! God they were good!
Then on Monday morning we all had to head back home, totally opposite directions! :(
We first went back to town and got some coffee, I was a complete coffee snob of course and didn't end up getting any after taking a good long look at the machine. lol. We stopped by a fruit stand and a natural food store on the way out of town to get snacks for the road... Such a long drive. Worth it, but such a lonnnnnnnnnng drive!
I think it's possible that her oldest and my oldest might like each other a bit, we'll see how it is next years when the hormones are really flying! ;)
Well I've got tons of work to catch up on so that's all for now folks!
Kassi, is that better? lol
Well we ended up going camping in Leavenworth, Washington this weekend. Jenn and Adam (good friends from Washington) had reserved a lodge at the KOA there and they let us bust in on them! lol
We didn't finalize plans until Friday night and we left early Saturday morning. We met Jenn and Adam and family (their 3 boys) up there sometime around 7 or 8. We had a great night! We put all the kids (the 7 of them!) down with a couple of movies and sat out on the porch of the lodge talking and having a few drinks. Adam was hilarious, he didn't drink much at all but man was he acting silly. lol! It was so good to see Jenn, I'm so glad we went!
Sunday Adam made breakfast and we all went into town, walked around the shops and then went tubing on the river! YAY! It was sooo much fun! It was a little frustrating because we couldn't manage to go the same speed as Jenn and we lost her at one point, little bit scarey! But the kids all had such a blast, it was so much fun. I'm so glad we went!
Sunday was Adrians birthday! Happy Birthday BABY!!!
After the long day in town and on the river he made dinner, he made some un-fricking-believable steaks! God they were good!
Then on Monday morning we all had to head back home, totally opposite directions! :(
We first went back to town and got some coffee, I was a complete coffee snob of course and didn't end up getting any after taking a good long look at the machine. lol. We stopped by a fruit stand and a natural food store on the way out of town to get snacks for the road... Such a long drive. Worth it, but such a lonnnnnnnnnng drive!
I think it's possible that her oldest and my oldest might like each other a bit, we'll see how it is next years when the hormones are really flying! ;)
Well I've got tons of work to catch up on so that's all for now folks!
Kassi, is that better? lol
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Back to Business!
Yep, been too busy with the shop to update :)
The shop hasn't been too busy, we are still having low sales, but they are much better than most of the summer days, so it's ok! It'll be a while until we get our staff back and business back to where it needs to be. I have faith though. It's been really rough this summer, and I just hope that we get things all back on track sooner than later.
Things have been hectic, trying to get things back into some sort of a routine. We have got to figure things out a little better, there is so much chaos in the morning and evening it's just insane!
I have too much crap to do!
I forgot to get milk, for the shop. So I'm very limited and if I happen to get hit, I'm in trouble. eek! Running this by myself right now... just sucks! But, it feels good to because I keep track of the sales and know exactly where I stand without having to guess how much of the money is going to go out to employees. Though I miss having a friend here at the same time.
I've been trying to deal with so many different things lately, it's constantly one stress on top of another and I'm so so so sick of it. It seems I must have done something really horrible to deserve all of the shit that comes at me all the time. I tell my friends to tell me if I've done something, or if I am being stupid about something, tell me if I'm in the wrong. Still though, more crap every day. It's like every day I have a new stress to think about.
I can't stop daydreaming about a simple life, not a paris and nicole kind, a peaceful, hardworking (for myself and my family) kind.
The shop hasn't been too busy, we are still having low sales, but they are much better than most of the summer days, so it's ok! It'll be a while until we get our staff back and business back to where it needs to be. I have faith though. It's been really rough this summer, and I just hope that we get things all back on track sooner than later.
Things have been hectic, trying to get things back into some sort of a routine. We have got to figure things out a little better, there is so much chaos in the morning and evening it's just insane!
I have too much crap to do!
I forgot to get milk, for the shop. So I'm very limited and if I happen to get hit, I'm in trouble. eek! Running this by myself right now... just sucks! But, it feels good to because I keep track of the sales and know exactly where I stand without having to guess how much of the money is going to go out to employees. Though I miss having a friend here at the same time.
I've been trying to deal with so many different things lately, it's constantly one stress on top of another and I'm so so so sick of it. It seems I must have done something really horrible to deserve all of the shit that comes at me all the time. I tell my friends to tell me if I've done something, or if I am being stupid about something, tell me if I'm in the wrong. Still though, more crap every day. It's like every day I have a new stress to think about.
I can't stop daydreaming about a simple life, not a paris and nicole kind, a peaceful, hardworking (for myself and my family) kind.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Holiday?
I'm not quite sure what this holiday is supposed to be about. Maybe I should be embarrassed about that. But, oh well. You no like that me dumb? Sowwy!
So, hopefully everything that I need to be open today will be, otherwise, I'm screwed! I have to work on the shop, all day. Adrian will go with me and help me get the outside cleaned up and then we will work on the inside, getting everything clean and shiney. It will feel good to know that I'm going back to my old routine. To know that hopefully there will be money coming in, God I hope.
Speaking of God - I didn't go to church. HA! Figures eh? Hopefully next week, at least it's a goal right now. I don't even know why I want to go. I guess I'm hoping to feel a little more grounded, or something.
Last night I had a get together at my house - we had a local moms group pot luck. We ended up with 16 kids (I think?) and that was from 5 families. I was really hoping that a few of the other moms would get together too... but they all ended up busy with a real life or something. :P
It was a great time though. I worked ALL day LONG Saturday and Sunday on the house, cleaning like a mad woman. Adrian was feeling sickly and didn't do too much on Saturday, but was able to help out more on Sunday. We were so excited when after everyone had left, our house was still clean! What? Amazing, I know. The only rooms that were a little messy were the playroom and the little girls bedroom upstairs. Like I care? lol
I'm so glad we did it, the house feels so good. It felt so good to have all the families over that came, they are all such awesome people. (I need a little throbbing heart emoticon here! hehe)
Ok, I'm off to get my coffee, wake Adrian - again, and head to the shop! :)
So, hopefully everything that I need to be open today will be, otherwise, I'm screwed! I have to work on the shop, all day. Adrian will go with me and help me get the outside cleaned up and then we will work on the inside, getting everything clean and shiney. It will feel good to know that I'm going back to my old routine. To know that hopefully there will be money coming in, God I hope.
Speaking of God - I didn't go to church. HA! Figures eh? Hopefully next week, at least it's a goal right now. I don't even know why I want to go. I guess I'm hoping to feel a little more grounded, or something.
Last night I had a get together at my house - we had a local moms group pot luck. We ended up with 16 kids (I think?) and that was from 5 families. I was really hoping that a few of the other moms would get together too... but they all ended up busy with a real life or something. :P
It was a great time though. I worked ALL day LONG Saturday and Sunday on the house, cleaning like a mad woman. Adrian was feeling sickly and didn't do too much on Saturday, but was able to help out more on Sunday. We were so excited when after everyone had left, our house was still clean! What? Amazing, I know. The only rooms that were a little messy were the playroom and the little girls bedroom upstairs. Like I care? lol
I'm so glad we did it, the house feels so good. It felt so good to have all the families over that came, they are all such awesome people. (I need a little throbbing heart emoticon here! hehe)
Ok, I'm off to get my coffee, wake Adrian - again, and head to the shop! :)
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Saturday Mornings
It's a Saturday morning. What the hell is my ass doing up at 6am? Don't know.
The alarm went off like it always does and Adrian slept through it, like he always does (even though HE wanted the alarm on his side so that I didn't have to be woken up by it when it was he that was getting up earlier!). So I awoke, thought that maybe I'd be productive and do the dishes that I haven't been able to get done for the last 3 days, or go to the Y that I already have my membership paid for a year - and have gone only 4 times since I paid that - 3 or 4 months ago. Ugh - What did I do productive? I'm sitting here, writing on a blog that maybe 3 people look at. lol. Ah well, who cares! lol
Labor Day Weekend -
Saturday- We are working on the house and yard in preparation for our Potluck BBQ thingy we are having with my local mommy group famiy on Sunday. Tonight, we may treat ourselves and either go to the $2 theater (if it doesn't smell like nasty sewer contents outside of there today) or we'll take the boat out on the lake for a bit.
Theater smell? I know, that sounded wierd, I'll explain for you 3 that are reading! hehe! The deal is, that for some reason, on some days, it smells HORRIBLE outside near the theater. There's some sort of plant or farm or something near there and the smell is even worse closer to the theater. The problem is that we thought one time that if we went inside the theater, it wouldn't smell like that. WE WERE WRONG - VERY VERY WRONG! It was intense, like concentrated in there, seriously it smells just exactly like you are sticking your head down the toilet of a port-a-potty, not kidding at all! Then when you get outside, you think "take a deep breathe, it's gotta be better out here!" Wrong again! You take a deep breathe and drop to your knees and vomit right there! I really don't understand how when coming out of there people were not gagging and vomitting everywhere. I sure as hell was close, very close to it.
Sunday- We are going to church. There, I said it. We are going to church, I think. There's been so much shit going on in my life lately, that I'll take any sort of help that I can get, any bit of support. Then we'll come home and start fixing up whatever is left to clean and such on the house and the cooking before people start showing up in the afternoon.
Monday- We will be working at the shop, Adrian on the outside and I on the inside. Getting it all pretty and ready for opening up on Tuesday. Hopefully we won't have to spend the entire day there, but I'm thinking we probably will.
That's it, that's our Labor Day weekend. Hopefully, the house will be in order and I won't feel so overwhelmed working all the time and coming home to a house that's clean rather than chaotic. Hopefully.
Welp... I'm off to start on laundry and dishes... ahhhhh.
The alarm went off like it always does and Adrian slept through it, like he always does (even though HE wanted the alarm on his side so that I didn't have to be woken up by it when it was he that was getting up earlier!). So I awoke, thought that maybe I'd be productive and do the dishes that I haven't been able to get done for the last 3 days, or go to the Y that I already have my membership paid for a year - and have gone only 4 times since I paid that - 3 or 4 months ago. Ugh - What did I do productive? I'm sitting here, writing on a blog that maybe 3 people look at. lol. Ah well, who cares! lol
Labor Day Weekend -
Saturday- We are working on the house and yard in preparation for our Potluck BBQ thingy we are having with my local mommy group famiy on Sunday. Tonight, we may treat ourselves and either go to the $2 theater (if it doesn't smell like nasty sewer contents outside of there today) or we'll take the boat out on the lake for a bit.
Theater smell? I know, that sounded wierd, I'll explain for you 3 that are reading! hehe! The deal is, that for some reason, on some days, it smells HORRIBLE outside near the theater. There's some sort of plant or farm or something near there and the smell is even worse closer to the theater. The problem is that we thought one time that if we went inside the theater, it wouldn't smell like that. WE WERE WRONG - VERY VERY WRONG! It was intense, like concentrated in there, seriously it smells just exactly like you are sticking your head down the toilet of a port-a-potty, not kidding at all! Then when you get outside, you think "take a deep breathe, it's gotta be better out here!" Wrong again! You take a deep breathe and drop to your knees and vomit right there! I really don't understand how when coming out of there people were not gagging and vomitting everywhere. I sure as hell was close, very close to it.
Sunday- We are going to church. There, I said it. We are going to church, I think. There's been so much shit going on in my life lately, that I'll take any sort of help that I can get, any bit of support. Then we'll come home and start fixing up whatever is left to clean and such on the house and the cooking before people start showing up in the afternoon.
Monday- We will be working at the shop, Adrian on the outside and I on the inside. Getting it all pretty and ready for opening up on Tuesday. Hopefully we won't have to spend the entire day there, but I'm thinking we probably will.
That's it, that's our Labor Day weekend. Hopefully, the house will be in order and I won't feel so overwhelmed working all the time and coming home to a house that's clean rather than chaotic. Hopefully.
Welp... I'm off to start on laundry and dishes... ahhhhh.
Friday, September 01, 2006
New Day
Today is a new day - and I've decided that I can't be held back by anything anymore. I simply have to get moving on a lot of things, I have so much to do, so much I'm responsible for and I just can't be held back by depression.
It will take your life over. I can't let it. I don't have time to let it.
My message for depression - Back the fuck off! You will not take over my life. You will not hurt me. You will not hold me back. I will determine how I live my life. I will not let you suck me down into a fat nobody sitting on my couch and eating all day long.
So, today I have a ton of things to do. I first have to tell depression to get the hell out of my way so that I can take care of the actual important things.
I will be opening the shop again next week, and there is so much to do! Hopefully we can get it all worked out today and be ready to roll next week.
My request is still out there - anyone with any sort of good news - please, just email it to me or leave it in a comment. I would so appreciate it!
It will take your life over. I can't let it. I don't have time to let it.
My message for depression - Back the fuck off! You will not take over my life. You will not hurt me. You will not hold me back. I will determine how I live my life. I will not let you suck me down into a fat nobody sitting on my couch and eating all day long.
So, today I have a ton of things to do. I first have to tell depression to get the hell out of my way so that I can take care of the actual important things.
I will be opening the shop again next week, and there is so much to do! Hopefully we can get it all worked out today and be ready to roll next week.
My request is still out there - anyone with any sort of good news - please, just email it to me or leave it in a comment. I would so appreciate it!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Losing Friends
I guess as we get older we will start losing friends in one way or another. I'd rather lose a friend because of something trivial, some misunderstanding or small betrayal or something. I'd rather lose a friend to anything other than death.
Yesterday was one of many horrible-news bearing days. I found out through looking at friends profiles on MySpace.com that a friend was killed in a motorcycle accident last week. What a way to find out huh? No one bothered to drop me an email much less a phone call. I hadn't spoken to Scott in over a year, but that doesn't mean that I didn't hold him in the same place in my heart that I had when we spoke everyday.
Scott was 24, he loved motorcycles. When I met him we were working together and developed a very close friendship. He wasn't interested in me nor I in him, but we loved each other as only friends do. He helped me get through one of the hardest times in my life. When I left my husband due to the suspicion of abuse. Scott was there, helping me get through every day. Scott would take me to a park and we would just sit and talk and lay on the grass... Scott would play with my kids like an older brother. He is/was amazing and I will remember him forever.
I can't believe that my Scotty is gone. He called me Natty, he was the only one to ever nickname me that. I don't understand this world. He was 24 for god's sake. He had a heart bigger than Texas and a smile that wouldn't quit. I'll never forget that smile, and I'll never forget the friend I miss so much.
Now, I would appreciate any sorts of good news, because my life has been REALLY lacking in that this last year, but mostly the last 2 weeks (other than when I lost my Dad of course) have been one thing after another. A friend of mine sent me a cute email with a picture of a donkey and the story of how he fell in a well so the owner decided to just shovel dirt on it and bury it. Well the cute donkey shook of the dirt and stepped up on it with every shovel load. Of course, the owner piles enough dirt that the donkey then shakes off that the donkey is freed. It was supposed to make me feel inspired or something I'm sure - but you know, I wrote her back and said that IF it were dirt, sure I could shake it off.. But, I'm not getting dirt piled on me, it's nothing but SHIT - Which is sticky, ewey and gooey - I don't feel like digging my way out at this point.
My purpose in this story - email me or comment me with any good news you have, even if it has nothing to do at all with my life, I need to hear good news.
Yesterday was one of many horrible-news bearing days. I found out through looking at friends profiles on MySpace.com that a friend was killed in a motorcycle accident last week. What a way to find out huh? No one bothered to drop me an email much less a phone call. I hadn't spoken to Scott in over a year, but that doesn't mean that I didn't hold him in the same place in my heart that I had when we spoke everyday.
Scott was 24, he loved motorcycles. When I met him we were working together and developed a very close friendship. He wasn't interested in me nor I in him, but we loved each other as only friends do. He helped me get through one of the hardest times in my life. When I left my husband due to the suspicion of abuse. Scott was there, helping me get through every day. Scott would take me to a park and we would just sit and talk and lay on the grass... Scott would play with my kids like an older brother. He is/was amazing and I will remember him forever.
I can't believe that my Scotty is gone. He called me Natty, he was the only one to ever nickname me that. I don't understand this world. He was 24 for god's sake. He had a heart bigger than Texas and a smile that wouldn't quit. I'll never forget that smile, and I'll never forget the friend I miss so much.
Now, I would appreciate any sorts of good news, because my life has been REALLY lacking in that this last year, but mostly the last 2 weeks (other than when I lost my Dad of course) have been one thing after another. A friend of mine sent me a cute email with a picture of a donkey and the story of how he fell in a well so the owner decided to just shovel dirt on it and bury it. Well the cute donkey shook of the dirt and stepped up on it with every shovel load. Of course, the owner piles enough dirt that the donkey then shakes off that the donkey is freed. It was supposed to make me feel inspired or something I'm sure - but you know, I wrote her back and said that IF it were dirt, sure I could shake it off.. But, I'm not getting dirt piled on me, it's nothing but SHIT - Which is sticky, ewey and gooey - I don't feel like digging my way out at this point.
My purpose in this story - email me or comment me with any good news you have, even if it has nothing to do at all with my life, I need to hear good news.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Happy Hump Day!
This morning I had a ton of things that I wanted to write about and nothing is coming to mind now... WTH? lol
One thing that's been on my mind a lot - Hopes and Dreams & Contentment (is that a word?)
Contentment - Will I ever reach that? I love so many different things that it's often hard for me to nail down something I want because I might be just as much in love with the exact opposite of that one thing. Does that make sense? Probably not, but if you know me at all, then you know my lack of ability in decision making. It's usually the problem I face because I like so many different things.
For example - I want my own land, I want acres and acres of forest, streams or a river running through it, my own organic farm, my own animals for meats and dairy, chickens for eggs, and my family all pitching in to make it happen. We would limit what we bought so then I would be able to stay home and raise my family and be as self sufficient as possible. I want to know where my food comes from, watch it grow and pick it at it's peak with my own 2 hands.
Another dream - The exact opposite. I love the idea of living in the middle of the city, with all of the entertainment and culture that I need just a few steps out my door. I want to be able to walk down the street and have sushi for lunch, walk to the farmers market and enjoy the busy downtown district. Walk my dogs around the block to the park. Get what I'm saying?
So maybe you can understand now why I wonder if I will ever be content - Ever!?
One thing that's been on my mind a lot - Hopes and Dreams & Contentment (is that a word?)
Contentment - Will I ever reach that? I love so many different things that it's often hard for me to nail down something I want because I might be just as much in love with the exact opposite of that one thing. Does that make sense? Probably not, but if you know me at all, then you know my lack of ability in decision making. It's usually the problem I face because I like so many different things.
For example - I want my own land, I want acres and acres of forest, streams or a river running through it, my own organic farm, my own animals for meats and dairy, chickens for eggs, and my family all pitching in to make it happen. We would limit what we bought so then I would be able to stay home and raise my family and be as self sufficient as possible. I want to know where my food comes from, watch it grow and pick it at it's peak with my own 2 hands.
Another dream - The exact opposite. I love the idea of living in the middle of the city, with all of the entertainment and culture that I need just a few steps out my door. I want to be able to walk down the street and have sushi for lunch, walk to the farmers market and enjoy the busy downtown district. Walk my dogs around the block to the park. Get what I'm saying?
So maybe you can understand now why I wonder if I will ever be content - Ever!?
Happy Hump Day!
This morning I had a ton of things that I wanted to write about and nothing is coming to mind now... WTH? lol
One thing that's been on my mind a lot - Hopes and Dreams & Contentment (is that a word?)
Contentment - Will I ever reach that? I love so many different things that it's often hard for me to nail down something I want because I might be just as much in love with the exact opposite of that one thing. Does that make sense? Probably not, but if you know me at all, then you know my lack of ability in decision making. It's usually the problem I face because I like so many different things.
For example - I want my own land, I want acres and acres of forest, streams or a river running through it, my own organic farm, my own animals for meats and dairy, chickens for eggs, and my family all pitching in to make it happen. We would limit what we bought so then I would be able to stay home and raise my family and be as self sufficient as possible. I want to know where my food comes from, watch it grow and pick it at it's peak with my own 2 hands.
Another dream - The exact opposite. I love the idea of living in the middle of the city, with all of the entertainment and culture that I need just a few steps out my door. I want to be able to walk down the street and have sushi for lunch, walk to the farmers market and enjoy the busy downtown district. Walk my dogs around the block to the park. Get what I'm saying?
So maybe you can understand now why I wonder if I will ever be content - Ever!?
One thing that's been on my mind a lot - Hopes and Dreams & Contentment (is that a word?)
Contentment - Will I ever reach that? I love so many different things that it's often hard for me to nail down something I want because I might be just as much in love with the exact opposite of that one thing. Does that make sense? Probably not, but if you know me at all, then you know my lack of ability in decision making. It's usually the problem I face because I like so many different things.
For example - I want my own land, I want acres and acres of forest, streams or a river running through it, my own organic farm, my own animals for meats and dairy, chickens for eggs, and my family all pitching in to make it happen. We would limit what we bought so then I would be able to stay home and raise my family and be as self sufficient as possible. I want to know where my food comes from, watch it grow and pick it at it's peak with my own 2 hands.
Another dream - The exact opposite. I love the idea of living in the middle of the city, with all of the entertainment and culture that I need just a few steps out my door. I want to be able to walk down the street and have sushi for lunch, walk to the farmers market and enjoy the busy downtown district. Walk my dogs around the block to the park. Get what I'm saying?
So maybe you can understand now why I wonder if I will ever be content - Ever!?
Friday, August 25, 2006
Yard Sales
Today I was going to do a yard sale. I posted it on Craigslist and everything - But, it's not working out. I tried to go and edit my post, it says that it was changed successfully, but it still says that it's on Friday too. Argh. I just need the furniture taken outside, but I can't manage it by myself so I'll have to wait for Adrian to get home.
Yesterday we decided that we had to do something to help with the money situation, and the house feels cluttered, so why not do a yard sale. Well because typically it's not a good idea to decide that the day before you are planning on hosting it! My house is thrashed because I've been too busy running through everything and digging for more stuff to sell! HA! What a joke. I hate my house right now... It's just plain filthy, there's dishes to be done, tons and tons of laundry to be done... I'm so sick of laundry! 6 people, 5 of them girls (meaning they have dress up clothes, skirts, skorts, shorts, jeans, dresses and more than the jeans/shorts combo's that boys have) equals a LOT of laundry. Dear Lord, if there is a Lord, HELP ME!
Ok, I'm off to go find some coffee and start the endless loads of laundry! Wish me luck!
Yesterday we decided that we had to do something to help with the money situation, and the house feels cluttered, so why not do a yard sale. Well because typically it's not a good idea to decide that the day before you are planning on hosting it! My house is thrashed because I've been too busy running through everything and digging for more stuff to sell! HA! What a joke. I hate my house right now... It's just plain filthy, there's dishes to be done, tons and tons of laundry to be done... I'm so sick of laundry! 6 people, 5 of them girls (meaning they have dress up clothes, skirts, skorts, shorts, jeans, dresses and more than the jeans/shorts combo's that boys have) equals a LOT of laundry. Dear Lord, if there is a Lord, HELP ME!
Ok, I'm off to go find some coffee and start the endless loads of laundry! Wish me luck!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Girls Adventure
Ok, so I decided that I would take all the girls out for a camping trip, just the 5 of us. We wanted to go somewhere new, but close enough to where Adrian could meet up with us and we wouldn't waste too much money on the darn gas!
We chose a place and, of course, we didn't get started until later in the day. We pulled into the park (after a 2 hour trip had turned into 4) and it's almost 7pm. We drive through the entire park and there is ZERO spots that aren't reserved for the entire weekend. What are 5 ladies in the middle of nowhere to do with no camping sites, no maps (my bad, I stupidly brought them in the house on accident when cleaning out the car) and no way to set up a tent in the dark, not to mention the fact that we don't have a place to set up!!! Well we call home and try to get Adrian to find the state park website, but unfortunately, he wasn't home! I called one of my best buds, Jenn, to find me some info online. We found a KOA that wasn't too far from us, about 45 minutes away, which meant that we had to get a cabin - which we could barely afford.
We got our cabin and by then, it was beyond dark and we barely got everything unloaded and ate some dinner, cheese sandwiches. Well at least it was an adventure, right? So, Adrian calls me back at 11pm and attempts to find a park for us to camp at since we certainly can't afford to stay that cabin (though it would have been nice!). I packed up the 4 kids and 2 dogs once again, and we headed out. First though, we had to go to town, Twin Falls, and replace the freakin' shoes that the damn dog had chewed up while the rest of us slept. He also ate my one and only $45 V.S. bra!!! But after all of the unexpected expenses coming up, I certainly couldn't afford to replace that right away!
We headed back toward Mountain Home, which was closer to home, and found a state park on the way. Three Island Crossing, was the park we stayed at. It was beautiful and rested along the snake river. We found a site that had great privacy (well as private as you can get in a public park!) and Adrian met us there that evening after work. Good thing he showed up because I found that there wasn't any good firewood to be gathered and he had pallets from work. Not only that, but I had also forgotten the air mattress pump! Also, Adrian usually ends up packing up the tent, well he had packed it last time and not included the plastic joints that you NEED for setting up! He had them in a box near the tent, but I didn't know that was what they were for!
We had a great time though! So the next time we head out on an adventure like that, I'll try to be a little more prepared!
We chose a place and, of course, we didn't get started until later in the day. We pulled into the park (after a 2 hour trip had turned into 4) and it's almost 7pm. We drive through the entire park and there is ZERO spots that aren't reserved for the entire weekend. What are 5 ladies in the middle of nowhere to do with no camping sites, no maps (my bad, I stupidly brought them in the house on accident when cleaning out the car) and no way to set up a tent in the dark, not to mention the fact that we don't have a place to set up!!! Well we call home and try to get Adrian to find the state park website, but unfortunately, he wasn't home! I called one of my best buds, Jenn, to find me some info online. We found a KOA that wasn't too far from us, about 45 minutes away, which meant that we had to get a cabin - which we could barely afford.
We got our cabin and by then, it was beyond dark and we barely got everything unloaded and ate some dinner, cheese sandwiches. Well at least it was an adventure, right? So, Adrian calls me back at 11pm and attempts to find a park for us to camp at since we certainly can't afford to stay that cabin (though it would have been nice!). I packed up the 4 kids and 2 dogs once again, and we headed out. First though, we had to go to town, Twin Falls, and replace the freakin' shoes that the damn dog had chewed up while the rest of us slept. He also ate my one and only $45 V.S. bra!!! But after all of the unexpected expenses coming up, I certainly couldn't afford to replace that right away!
We headed back toward Mountain Home, which was closer to home, and found a state park on the way. Three Island Crossing, was the park we stayed at. It was beautiful and rested along the snake river. We found a site that had great privacy (well as private as you can get in a public park!) and Adrian met us there that evening after work. Good thing he showed up because I found that there wasn't any good firewood to be gathered and he had pallets from work. Not only that, but I had also forgotten the air mattress pump! Also, Adrian usually ends up packing up the tent, well he had packed it last time and not included the plastic joints that you NEED for setting up! He had them in a box near the tent, but I didn't know that was what they were for!
We had a great time though! So the next time we head out on an adventure like that, I'll try to be a little more prepared!
Blogging here for the first time!
So I have friends that are not MSN friendly, and friends that can't stand the blog that I currently use. So today I'm starting a blog here, so that hopefully it can be viewed by all that are interested in my everyday wierdness.
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