My everything hurts.

This weekend we cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned and then... we cleaned some more.

I can't believe how trashed our house gets so freaking fast. We worked so hard that we are both sore as heck this morning... MAN we worked hard! Adrian did the yard at both home and the shop. I did endless loads of laundry, dishes, scrubbed bathrooms, swept, mopped, dusted, vacuumed, clutter-cleared... lol. EVERYTHING!
We came to the shop to pick up paperwork and I ended up cleaning the basement.

So, now... my everything hurts.

I just realized that there was a band in town from Humboldt County Cali. that I really really really wanted to see.. and I didn't remember this weekend when they were here.. ARGH!

Today has been pretty steady here at the shop... nothing too bad at all. :)

I still haven't figured out how to do soups, I don't know if I have the energy for it. I've been updating my site every week and actually been pretty good about doing that, I'm actually proud that I've kept up pretty good. I'm sure there are things that I miss and such... but I am trying! lol

I don't know what else to write about... I'm starting to get really tired.
I need to eat! Maybe I'll add more later, but for now I'm off to make an egg salad sandwich, or something of the like.

October

Since Dad died I've been just gaining more and more fat. So, I've decided that in October we will make a full transition into healthier eating. I've been working on this for the past few months and I've got the family eating healthier and interested in Organics and all natural products. So I figure I can make the full transition by Oct. and we can all be eating healthier.

My own goals will be to go to the Y for at least 4 days a week, the kids will love this part. I will also go from eating 1-2 large meals a day to eating 5 small meals throughout the day. I will give myself a free day every week so that I can eat what I want, when I want for one day. I will only have up to 2 servings of red meat a week, try to stick to turkey, chicken and pork when I need meats. I will do as much veggie as possible and limit everyone's meat content. I will start insisting that the kids, Adrian and I ALL take our vitamins more regularly.

This all means that I have to figure out a REALLY good routine! With 6 of us, and Adrian and I both working 50-70 hours a week, it's going to have to be a strict routine - which I do not do well with. Yikes!

I really want to teach my children healthier living habits though, and I really need to put myself on a routine instead of this chaotic life we have been just barely getting by in.

Adrian and I have had a rough time, with hardly any help at the shop and as much as he works, we are both extremely stressed and over-tired. That just is not good, it means we bicker, or (like this weekend) we fight, like crazy! I can't take it and neither can he. Right now we don't see any other options but to make a major change and hit the problem head one.
The Problem - Chaos The Answer - Routine
At least, that's what I make of it? lol

So after a hard weekend we are trying to return to some sort of normalcy.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!

30

30 Years old today. Yep, 30.

It's 9am, and I've been open since 7:30 -with not even one customer yet. It's going to be one of those "I hate this place!" days again... unless of course it picks up! Then, I can deal! Of course, right now - I'm sitting on the loveseat with my bare toes propped up on the brick and keeping warm by the fire in front of them. I love that. I love a fire, even if it's a fake one from a gas fireplace. If I could just figure out a position to sit in so that I don't set my laptop on fire... now that would be cool.

Well at least I know that someone will come in today, one of my friends offered to work for me for the afternoon even though I've not known her very long at all. How cool is that? I told her no, and told her that she needed to just come and hang out with me instead... that would make me happier. Of course, I would love to not have to close! Oh, wait, I have Sarah coming in to close tonight, I think! That's awesome! And she is working tomorrow, so if I happen to be hung over for some reason, then I'll be ok to sleep in ;).

Is it totally selfish to want to be treated like a princess on my birthday, particularly my 30th? I was imagining all of my kids being extra good this morning and making it easier for me to get out the door. I imagined Adrian getting them up and dressed so that I could sleep an extra few minutes. I imagined him coming to the shop (since he already came here before me this morning to get the fireplace working) and leaving me flowers and a card, or little notes or something. But, as usual - there was nothing like that. I came in and there were no flowers or love notes.. I had to yell at the girls to brush their teeth - again, because I obviously haven't said it 327,567 times before.

I know Adrian has gotten me gifts, and I'm sure they are wonderful. He gave me a really pretty bracelet last night. All week he's been like "it's a pre-pre birthday gift"... trying to give me things before today, and I've been insistent that I don't get anything until the actual day. See, I like a lot of presents, but I usually don't get much, if anything. Alex's birthday being the next day sort of steals my glory. So I like to save anything that I do get, until the last second so I can open a bunch at once. lol.

After tomorrow I will be on to different subjects, I swear. I told you - I'm obsessed! lol

I wonder if the one brother that speaks to me on occassion will call today. I don't think I called him on his bday, so that wouldn't surprise me if he didn't.

I'm totally bored, I'm sure there is a lot that I could be doing, but I figure if I'm here 63+ hours a week, I'm going to sit and goof off for a while. lol

Ok, well I'm running out of things to write about so I'm signing off for now! :)

Ok, this is pathetic!

I can't write today. It just seems that there is too much random stuff to write about.

So, we'll just go with the flow and see if you people can keep up :P

I think I must be bi-polar. One day I love this business and the next I hate it. It can't possibly have anything to do with the fact that one day is awesome and the next is very very very lonely. Right?

Birthdays - Friday is my 30th. You probably already know this if you know me at all, as I have managed to tell everyone, a lot. But, a very good friend of mine, her's is tomorrow, and I have forgotten it. Knowing fully well that her bday is the day before mine, all I can think about is myself. I'm really disappointed in myself. I love you Jenn! Sorry I'm such a shitty friend, forgetting about you!

Today is my brothers birthday and even though I've barely spoken to him in years, it really hits me on his birthday how much I miss and love him still, asshole that he is. I really wish my family wasn't so spread out and (searching for the right word) detached. It's like none of us care about each other at all. I don't understand how something like this happens. Why don't we care, or try to stay in touch. There are 3 brothers, and me - the boys have different dads and my dad is gone. My brothers don't give a crap about me and my mom conciders me dead. How nice. One of my brothers talks to everyone, but no one else talks to anyone but him. What the hell is that about? I mean really, what kind of family doesn't communicate at all? The kind that is not a family. The kind that makes me feel so alone in this world. There is no one to mourn the death of my Daddy with. That hurts.

Speaking of Daddy - this is a warning. I've been thinking about the coming holidays lately and I'm realizing that this holiday season is not going to be anything less than heart wrenching. The first week in November marks the last time I spoke to my dad. The end of November (particularly Thanksgiving) marks a year since the time that I knew something was wrong and booked my flight. The first week of December marks a year since I got that horrible phone call on the way to the airport from the coroner in my dads town asking if I knew him and that he was investigating his death. December 12th to be exact. December 14th was/is (is it was or is?) his birthday. Then there's Christmas, which marks 2 years this year since the last time I saw him, hugged him, pushed away his kiss on my ear, smelled his icky smell that now seems so sweet, watched him hold my kids and love them, layed my head on his lap and felt him stroke my hair as he always did. God I miss him.

Well it sure is a good thing it's so slow in here today since I just gave myself a nice little crying fit over that! lol. Yeesh!

What else can I ramble about that maybe won't make me cry as much. Hmm... Wookie, I need to go to Pendleton now. For my birthday? SEE I'm obsessed with my damn birthday!

Coffee, now there's a subject worth rambling about. I've never been a big coffee drinker - I know I know - it's wierd. I've always liked a mocha, or a latte, but I've just never been into having coffee every day or anything. All of the sudden, in the last few months, I have about 2 - 3 cups a day. And I was fine not having any until I had it made here at the shop. Now I want it made when I wake up. LoL. I need a travel mug now because I actually want it before I make it at the shop and I wouldn't want to leave it behind. Crap, that reminds me that I still need to get Adrian one, I forgot. LOL.

Well I think I wrote enough for today, wouldn't you agree? Let's see if I can end on a happy note...
~Coffee, Chocolate, and Men are so much better rich!
~Why Coffee is better than Men

You can make coffee as sweet as you desire.
A cup of coffee always looks good.
Coffee smells good.
Coffee tastes good.
Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
You can have a good conversation with coffee.
You can have coffee anywhere, anytime, and not get arrested.
You can have as many coffees as you desire.
Coffee doesn't care what you look like.
~I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it!

Long Weekend!

Friday night I went to play Bunco with some mommy friends, and friends and family of theirs. It was a blast, a few people were tipsy and it was just hilarious. I didn't drink anything but water (I made up for that all day Saturday!). I even saw a certain someone doing the sprinkler move at one of the tables! I won! Ok, I won by default because I had the most losses, so basically I won the award for being the biggest loser! lol. I met lots of really cool women and I'm really excited for the next game in October!

Well we ended up going camping in Leavenworth, Washington this weekend. Jenn and Adam (good friends from Washington) had reserved a lodge at the KOA there and they let us bust in on them! lol
We didn't finalize plans until Friday night and we left early Saturday morning. We met Jenn and Adam and family (their 3 boys) up there sometime around 7 or 8. We had a great night! We put all the kids (the 7 of them!) down with a couple of movies and sat out on the porch of the lodge talking and having a few drinks. Adam was hilarious, he didn't drink much at all but man was he acting silly. lol! It was so good to see Jenn, I'm so glad we went!
Sunday Adam made breakfast and we all went into town, walked around the shops and then went tubing on the river! YAY! It was sooo much fun! It was a little frustrating because we couldn't manage to go the same speed as Jenn and we lost her at one point, little bit scarey! But the kids all had such a blast, it was so much fun. I'm so glad we went!
Sunday was Adrians birthday! Happy Birthday BABY!!!
After the long day in town and on the river he made dinner, he made some un-fricking-believable steaks! God they were good!
Then on Monday morning we all had to head back home, totally opposite directions! :(
We first went back to town and got some coffee, I was a complete coffee snob of course and didn't end up getting any after taking a good long look at the machine. lol. We stopped by a fruit stand and a natural food store on the way out of town to get snacks for the road... Such a long drive. Worth it, but such a lonnnnnnnnnng drive!

I think it's possible that her oldest and my oldest might like each other a bit, we'll see how it is next years when the hormones are really flying! ;)

Well I've got tons of work to catch up on so that's all for now folks!

Kassi, is that better? lol

Back to Business!

Yep, been too busy with the shop to update :)
The shop hasn't been too busy, we are still having low sales, but they are much better than most of the summer days, so it's ok! It'll be a while until we get our staff back and business back to where it needs to be. I have faith though. It's been really rough this summer, and I just hope that we get things all back on track sooner than later.
Things have been hectic, trying to get things back into some sort of a routine. We have got to figure things out a little better, there is so much chaos in the morning and evening it's just insane!

I have too much crap to do!

I forgot to get milk, for the shop. So I'm very limited and if I happen to get hit, I'm in trouble. eek! Running this by myself right now... just sucks! But, it feels good to because I keep track of the sales and know exactly where I stand without having to guess how much of the money is going to go out to employees. Though I miss having a friend here at the same time.

I've been trying to deal with so many different things lately, it's constantly one stress on top of another and I'm so so so sick of it. It seems I must have done something really horrible to deserve all of the shit that comes at me all the time. I tell my friends to tell me if I've done something, or if I am being stupid about something, tell me if I'm in the wrong. Still though, more crap every day. It's like every day I have a new stress to think about.

I can't stop daydreaming about a simple life, not a paris and nicole kind, a peaceful, hardworking (for myself and my family) kind.

Holiday?

I'm not quite sure what this holiday is supposed to be about. Maybe I should be embarrassed about that. But, oh well. You no like that me dumb? Sowwy!

So, hopefully everything that I need to be open today will be, otherwise, I'm screwed! I have to work on the shop, all day. Adrian will go with me and help me get the outside cleaned up and then we will work on the inside, getting everything clean and shiney. It will feel good to know that I'm going back to my old routine. To know that hopefully there will be money coming in, God I hope.

Speaking of God - I didn't go to church. HA! Figures eh? Hopefully next week, at least it's a goal right now. I don't even know why I want to go. I guess I'm hoping to feel a little more grounded, or something.

Last night I had a get together at my house - we had a local moms group pot luck. We ended up with 16 kids (I think?) and that was from 5 families. I was really hoping that a few of the other moms would get together too... but they all ended up busy with a real life or something. :P
It was a great time though. I worked ALL day LONG Saturday and Sunday on the house, cleaning like a mad woman. Adrian was feeling sickly and didn't do too much on Saturday, but was able to help out more on Sunday. We were so excited when after everyone had left, our house was still clean! What? Amazing, I know. The only rooms that were a little messy were the playroom and the little girls bedroom upstairs. Like I care? lol
I'm so glad we did it, the house feels so good. It felt so good to have all the families over that came, they are all such awesome people. (I need a little throbbing heart emoticon here! hehe)

Ok, I'm off to get my coffee, wake Adrian - again, and head to the shop! :)

Saturday Mornings

It's a Saturday morning. What the hell is my ass doing up at 6am? Don't know.
The alarm went off like it always does and Adrian slept through it, like he always does (even though HE wanted the alarm on his side so that I didn't have to be woken up by it when it was he that was getting up earlier!). So I awoke, thought that maybe I'd be productive and do the dishes that I haven't been able to get done for the last 3 days, or go to the Y that I already have my membership paid for a year - and have gone only 4 times since I paid that - 3 or 4 months ago. Ugh - What did I do productive? I'm sitting here, writing on a blog that maybe 3 people look at. lol. Ah well, who cares! lol

Labor Day Weekend -

Saturday- We are working on the house and yard in preparation for our Potluck BBQ thingy we are having with my local mommy group famiy on Sunday. Tonight, we may treat ourselves and either go to the $2 theater (if it doesn't smell like nasty sewer contents outside of there today) or we'll take the boat out on the lake for a bit.
Theater smell? I know, that sounded wierd, I'll explain for you 3 that are reading! hehe! The deal is, that for some reason, on some days, it smells HORRIBLE outside near the theater. There's some sort of plant or farm or something near there and the smell is even worse closer to the theater. The problem is that we thought one time that if we went inside the theater, it wouldn't smell like that. WE WERE WRONG - VERY VERY WRONG! It was intense, like concentrated in there, seriously it smells just exactly like you are sticking your head down the toilet of a port-a-potty, not kidding at all! Then when you get outside, you think "take a deep breathe, it's gotta be better out here!" Wrong again! You take a deep breathe and drop to your knees and vomit right there! I really don't understand how when coming out of there people were not gagging and vomitting everywhere. I sure as hell was close, very close to it.

Sunday- We are going to church. There, I said it. We are going to church, I think. There's been so much shit going on in my life lately, that I'll take any sort of help that I can get, any bit of support. Then we'll come home and start fixing up whatever is left to clean and such on the house and the cooking before people start showing up in the afternoon.

Monday- We will be working at the shop, Adrian on the outside and I on the inside. Getting it all pretty and ready for opening up on Tuesday. Hopefully we won't have to spend the entire day there, but I'm thinking we probably will.

That's it, that's our Labor Day weekend. Hopefully, the house will be in order and I won't feel so overwhelmed working all the time and coming home to a house that's clean rather than chaotic. Hopefully.

Welp... I'm off to start on laundry and dishes... ahhhhh.

New Day

Today is a new day - and I've decided that I can't be held back by anything anymore. I simply have to get moving on a lot of things, I have so much to do, so much I'm responsible for and I just can't be held back by depression.

It will take your life over. I can't let it. I don't have time to let it.

My message for depression - Back the fuck off! You will not take over my life. You will not hurt me. You will not hold me back. I will determine how I live my life. I will not let you suck me down into a fat nobody sitting on my couch and eating all day long.

So, today I have a ton of things to do. I first have to tell depression to get the hell out of my way so that I can take care of the actual important things.

I will be opening the shop again next week, and there is so much to do! Hopefully we can get it all worked out today and be ready to roll next week.

My request is still out there - anyone with any sort of good news - please, just email it to me or leave it in a comment. I would so appreciate it!